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Got this on an e-mail at work today - I work within service delivery, and this made me smile!!:
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too friggin stupid to own a computer!!!!!'
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An old one but still good. This is rumoured to be a true story and has been placed in various companies, I think Dell was the main one.
I can believe it. When I worked in IT, I worked for a period at ICCH (International Commodities Clearing House) in Fenchurch Street and dealers and brokers in the city used to subscribe to their service (it was like a bankers clearing house for commodity trades and deals).
One of my friends there worked in network support and if there was a problem that couldn't be fixed over the phone, it meant a site visit. Every week he would come back from a call where a dealer (probably earning hundreds of thousands of pounds a year) couldn't get his system working simply because a cleaner overnight had pulled the plug from the wall
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein.
Never a truer word said imo.
I seen this story in IBM over 10 years ago in a similar guise
True/False who knows but still makes me smile...
Ive had some crackers, including the managers wife on her 1st day, who called up complaining her mouse was not working. I goes to see her, she says she wants a new one as its dirty and not working. She then picks up the mouse points it at the screen and waves it at the screen and says "see its not working". Now keeping a straight face I had to actually sit and show her how to use it...... I can only imagine how she got the job lol...
We recently had an incident where a remote user was having issues with her password after changing it to the word "password", to keep it simple she was still unable to login.
It turned out that the took the Helpdesk literally and was typing "your password is password " into the dialogue box
Had a similar incident with someone very senior in a Council I was doing work for - no easy way to show someone how to use a mouse in front of this managers junior staff - needless to say I did not stay long in that job after that - figured promotion was never going to be on the cards!
Actually could tell a very funny and long involved story about a programmer and a power cut in a heavy snow storm, but this is an edited version. This guy went to work on a Saturday morning for some overtime, the rest of us having looked at the weather and thought stuff that.
Anyway he can't drive all the way up to the car park, so leaves his car at the gates and walks into office. After working for a while everything stops. He figures there is a local power cut, so decides to drive to town hall where servers are located to carry on working.
He gets in his car and it won't start, so he abandons it and starts walking the 3 miles to the town hall. On getting there he finds everything locked up and no lights on, but undeterred he finds a way into the grounds where he is chased by a guard dog. Eventually he realises that there is also a power cut here as well, so is faced with a 10-mile walk home.
When he recounted his story on the Monday morning he expected symapthy, well we would have been sympathetic after we stopped laughing at him!
I once spent an hour explaining to a chap who was paid well over a million pounds a year that files live in folders. That was it. A whole hour explaining that the little icon that looked like the manilla folders he had on his desk worked in the same way as the folders on his desk. I ended up writing "file" on a couple of bits of paper and dropping them into the folders...eventually he grasped the concept!
Ive had the calls...
Caller : "My wireless is not working"
me: do you have the key and set up of the network your trying to connect too
Caller : Erm no, whats that?
Me : Well its the details you need to get it working. Also are you sure the wireless cards set up right?
Caller : Whats a wireless card?
Me : Head thumping on KB
This was before most laptops had them installed... Also add that tot he fact most IBM laptops had the icon on the machine but didnt mean the card was installed after it, made lots of fun calls...
I wouldnt even start to say how many times I had calls with dead PCs. Where the person has said it was working 5 mins ago and bang not anymore. I come over look and find the power plugs been used for someone's laptop... They still look at me as if its my fault
OH I rem another ONE !!!
Brand new massive Plasma Screen for presentations.... Manager (not mine) goes up to do his talk, gets asked a question... He starts talking the usual business bingo answers (explain that in a min) HE THEN picks up a Pen from the Flip chart and writes on the screen with perm ink ......
Business Bingo... Go into meeting with friend, choose 10 words each - the usual sort of crap words and sit and see how long it takes them to say them
Most memorable call from my days working on a helpdesk was:
"I was wondering...how does windows work?"
"Well I can see how DOS works but how does windows do all the coloured boxes and stuff?"
Not only did I have to come up with an explanation but I had to do so while the rest of the helpdesk were giggling.
I once delivered a PC, ready to go to someone's office, this was in the days before networking so it was a completely standalone box.
I asked them where their power socket was and received the reply:
"Oh does it need electricity then"
Business Bingo... - love it!! Will try that this afternoon when i am in a 2 hour meeting about broadband / ADSL ordering!
a friend of mine got a job as a travel round techy for a software company that was dealing with medial software (administration software mostly) and he got called out to fix the program that had been sent to a hospital.
Upon arrival he turned on the computer - waited for it to start - then on the main desktop double clicked the program shortcut and its started running - the staff were amazed - turns out that they had tried everything barring actually running the program!
This one isn't about computers as such but still made me laugh - my grandmother was excited to have a fax machine for the first time a few years ago. To demonstrate how to send a fax, we asked her to write a letter to send to a friend. We successfully sent the fax, and gave the paper back to my grandmother to which she replied; "Why has the paper come back? I thought you sent it to my friend!"
Quote: Business Bingo... - love it!! Will try that this afternoon when i am in a 2 hour meeting about broadband / ADSL ordering!
There are some ready made cards here
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