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In 'Who are they kidding?' we review the latest film cameras.
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Three easy rules that must be adhered to, for successful paparazzis
In our new Ladies Section we find out which DSLR fits best in a handbag.
Must come wrapped in plastic.
'The more the merrier' - Photoshop Filters
How to shoot stunning landscapes through your car window. (although I recently came runner up in a national competition with a shot, shot out of the window of a van )
Photoshop tutorial 57 - why be ar*ed taking it in camera when you can produce equally (well nearly, well ok not at all) good photos in photoshop.
Doing it in camera lesson 1: Not every blurred, panned, zoom blurred, streaked, slow shutter speed shot has been produced in photoshop.
Doing it in camera lesson 2: Older folks understand filters to be little glass or plastic things you put in front of the lens. In fact some older photographers have been known to use the clear red sweetie wrapper from one of the sweets in quality street at a pinch.
Harry Enfield's photo advice column "you don't wanna take it like that, you wanna take it like this"
"I've got considerably more megapixels than you"
Glamour special with free tissue.
'Creative photography - 101 uses for quality street wrappers'
Use vaseline on a clear filter to give you a sigma focus effect.
Use vaseline on a clear filter to give you a soft focus effect.
In our last issue's section of 'Photography for Beginners', we of course meant 'to' when we wrote 'Now put the camera in your eye'. Apologies to Casualty Departments all over the country - and hopefully Mr D Head will find someone to read this out, having tried once and determinedly trying the other eye
Free lens cloth with next month's issue.......no....wait...it's been done.
We tell you all the secrets of magazine publishing - the complete 11 chapters
One hundred impressive things to say about cameras to make other people think you know what you're talking about even if you don't own a camera. Unmissable.
How to persuade wimmin to take their kit off in a draughty studio even if you don't own a camera Unbelievable.
What does that button do? The secrets of the on/off switch revealed. Understandable.
In this issue we interview one of the new and upcoming portrait and wedding photographers Mrs Dee Onehundred.
Ed. So what lighting setup do you use?
Dee The big ones with the umbrella and the white box things
Ed. Do you have a rail setup in the studio?
Dee. Eh? No they stay there in the corner out of the way. I dont like clutter.
Ed. Do you use a modelling light?
Dee. No all my customers are amateurs.
Ed. So what style do you use.
Dee. The all white one or sometimes it comes out a bit yellow or a bit pink but my customers like that.
Ed. Where do you buy your equipment?
Dee. Jessops, car boots and ebay
Ed. What f stop would you recommend for portraits?
Dee. Eh? I set it to that wee head figure - you use that for portraits dont you? Funny thing is it works for weddings as well. Why dont they have a wee wedding photo on there too, I mean this was advertised as a professional camera. Maybe Av and Tv or P mean something in Japanese but not to me. Sometimes the photos dont come out right but thats the cameras fault. I hear they go faulty all the time.
Ed. You mentioned weddings, would you recommend use of a gold reflector.
Dee. No not really the smallest I could find was 12 inches across. The rings are only wee and sometimes people use white gold and that doesnt reflect well.
Ed. Where did you learn your photography?
Dee. Oh I didnt learn I was born with it. I just didnt know I was so talented. All my friends told me then all my internet friends told me so it must be true. I also bought a lot of books but most of them ones know nothing. That ansel adams boy - I mean come on he was using film? He didnt even have a decent digital camera. The negative? Whats that all about? And where are all the people in his photos. Just lots of clouds and sky and trees and stuff. If I wanted those I'd take a picture of my garden
Ed. What has been your best photos so far.
Dee. Them all, well all except my new digital camera ones, they dont print out well, must be a faulty camera. The colours are off, they are blurry and they are just not the same as on the screen. I sell all my photos now as on screen only - I dont bother with that printing stuff -its so old fashioned.
Ed. Well that concludes our interview, any tips for our readers.
Dee. no I'm brilliant - let me do your wedding, I'm cheap - only 150 all in. If you dont like the photos I'll give you a free photo of my kids.
Ed. Well thanks Dee we must be off.
Dee. But you havent seen my robin picture yet - I got it done big size for the new studio. It didnt print out right - damn printers. Oh and I've a good one of a Gerbera - everyone said it was brilliant and should win awards but it didnt print out well either. Oh and heres my kids - its not technically brilliant but the customer was happy, their mum.
Ed. But you are their mum
Dee. umm err did I say my kids - no they are someone elses kids.
Ed. right we are away.
Dee. can I critique some of those losers photos for you?
Ed. run away run away
Coming soon - our guide to fitting AA batteries the right way round in your digital compact.
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