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Because I'm a man ....

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    dave thelens
    1 Jun 2006 - 10:51 PM

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and fart as form of Holy Communion.

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the shop, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole programme looking for it (though once I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so please don't ask.

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. And if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. No, it doesn't make your bum look big. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    Beacause I'm a man I only see colours in terms of 'red' or 'pink', so please dont be irritated when I dont comprehend the subtle shades that you see. Peach is a fruit to me and always will be.

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the washing, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or helpfully pointing out the bits you've missed.

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    1 Jun 2006 - 10:51 PM

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    BigCol e2 Member 131835 forum postsBigCol vcard Scotland1 Constructive Critique Points
    1 Jun 2006 - 11:00 PM

    I would send this to my wife, but she'd think I was being serious!

    Mind you she's probably not wrong!

    ukuwi  10476 forum posts England1 Constructive Critique Points
    9 Jun 2006 - 12:29 PM

    That was an excellent read and had me giggling to myself on more than one occasion, I guess us men are quite similar after all, except the football, the remote and the beer drinking bit, hey maybe I am a bird afterallSmile

    David_c  9244 forum posts United Kingdom
    9 Jun 2006 - 12:49 PM

    brilliant read , will have to let swmbo read this, any more like this? dave Smile

    9 Jun 2006 - 1:36 PM

    I just laughed at this, and then manfully lowered my head as I took a blow to the jaw...

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