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jondf 8 2.7k
2 May 2011 12:33PM

Quote:I have no social life, no company in the evenings, no help with the house, no transport, no child care and God forbid the Government should give me the pittance they think is the minimum I need to raise 3 kids on my own as well and all because my husband got ill and died.


I feel sure you'll get through this. As time passes, new openings and opportunities will present themselves.

Regarding your finances - you've probably already done so but in case not, do check out this link -

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_money/benefits/benefits_and_bereavement.htm

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Carabosse e2
11 39.7k 269 England
2 May 2011 1:01PM
The problem is sorting the wheat from the chaff, viz. the deserving from the undeserving. We are not very good at doing that and seem to lack any sort of political will to do so. Government after government has stated an intention to put things right, but nothing ever happens.

Politicians are very aware benefit claimants have votes too! Wink
Fishnet 10 5.0k 5 United Kingdom
2 May 2011 1:23PM

Quote:I have no social life, no company in the evenings, no help with the house, no transport, no child care and God forbid the Government should give me the pittance they think is the minimum I need to raise 3 kids on my own as well and all because my husband got ill and died.

I feel sure you'll get through this. As time passes, new openings and opportunities will present themselves.

Regarding your finances - you've probably already done so but in case not, do check out this link -

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_money/benefits/benefits_and_bereavement.htm



Hmm I don't believe in miracles and that's what I'll need to make jobs appear in a dead end place like this or for me to suddenly wake up with the ability to drive.
Carabosse e2
11 39.7k 269 England
2 May 2011 1:57PM
We are all shaped by our choices in life - whether to get married (or not), whether to have children (or not), whether to move home (or not). It is rarely society's fault if things do not work out the way they 'ought' to have done.

And things do not stay the same for ever. For example (perhaps an idealised one!), you may become the responsibility of the children for whom you are currently responsible - in years to come - when you become elderly and/or frail. Whereas those without children may have no option but to look for state help.
Fishnet 10 5.0k 5 United Kingdom
2 May 2011 3:10PM
I didn't chose for my husband to die but I get what you're saying.

If it ever comes to the situation where my children have to care for me, I'll be booking a one way trip to Switzerland. I do NOT want to end up like my grandparents.
Sus 10 3.2k 9 England
3 May 2011 12:10AM
Anna, do you have a car? I cannot imagine what you are going through and I won't pretend to, but trying to put myself in your shoes your priority must be to learn to drive. This will give you so much more flexibility and freedom.

If friends and neighbours have given offers to child mind then take them up on it. Try to keep your attendance at the photography club.

I wish there was more I could do to help. Its a wonderful place to live but no fun feeling isolated. My favorite place to walk the dogs is not far from you so if you ever want to meet up for a dog walk let me know, I have not been down to Suffolk for months but mean to visit more over the summer.
Fishnet 10 5.0k 5 United Kingdom
3 May 2011 8:15AM
No I don't have a car and can't even drive and now I can't see how I can Afford either, it is so cut off and isolated here a car is essential, if I have to carry on like this month after month stuck here, I can't even leave my road let alone town most days, I will truly go insane.
Child care isn't very forth coming because my 2 best friends have husbands who work nights and have their own kids. To be honest I've lost any desire to photograph anything anyway.
JackAllTog e2
5 4.0k 58 United Kingdom
3 May 2011 1:57PM

Quote:No I don't have a car and can't even drive and now I can't see how I can Afford either, it is so cut off and isolated here a car is essential, if I have to carry on like this month after month stuck here, I can't even leave my road let alone town most days, I will truly go insane.
Child care isn't very forth coming because my 2 best friends have husbands who work nights and have their own kids. To be honest I've lost any desire to photograph anything anyway.


I well know it can be very hard, as kids we lived a great life in a small cottage next to a remote farm in Hull, but my parents split up and life completly changed, we eventually moved down south to Stoneleigh with my grandparents and the state helped us pick ourselves back up and start a new life, yes it was hard and we were skint, no car, phone, tv etc but we all worked hard and now all have good jobs and pay back into society and contribute to those around us - change is hard but necessary and working with it will work well, we all need time.

The thread says we pay out lots for scroungers and whilst this is sometimes true its invariably not so, lets help our neighbours get back to being able to look after themselves and then others too. Without society and law in balence we return to fighting as individuals as as time passes this is unsustainable. Yes perpetual scroungers should keep finding it harder and harder to not be part of society, but remember timescales are long when kids are involved.

If any of us get regular time to sit back and reflect then consider that investing you time and some money in others can benifit almost everyone. e.g. www.timebank.org.uk
collywobles 10 3.4k 9 United Kingdom
6 May 2011 4:58PM
Fishnet

I truly sympathise with your sadness (and have already sent my sincere sympathy on your loss post). My issue with the benfits system is that in many cases (unlike yours) the system is abused and cash IS given to unworthy people. Only on TV last night a woman was complaining that the council would not rehouse her in a larger house because she had NINE children........ It is these kind of people I get irate about not people like yourself who clearly are worthy of more.

If we can get rid of the scroungers I would willingly see more of the money go to people like yourself.

Incidentally - the woman I mentioned had a large TV, an iPhone and the children had games consoles, and she had a 'temporary live in boy friend' - "a necessity???? --- NOT!"

Colin

PS: Hope things work out for you.
KevSB 10 1.5k 5 United Kingdom
7 May 2011 6:05AM

Quote: My issue with the benefits system is that in many cases the system is abused and cash IS given to unworthy people. Only on TV last night a woman was complaining that the council would not rehouse her in a larger house because she had NINE children........ It is these kind of people I get irate about not people like yourself who clearly are worthy of more.

If we can get rid of the scroungers I would willingly see more of the money go to people like yourself.

Incidentally - the woman I mentioned had a large TV, an iPhone and the children had games consoles, and she had a 'temporary live in boy friend' - "a necessity???? --- NOT!"

Colin

PS: Hope things work out for you.



The programme was not about the women and her benefits but the dire housing situation is this country, with landlords ripping off tenants and massive overcharging by landlords, people like that women are forced into living 9 people in just a small 3 bedroom home.The kids you quote had grown up and could not find accommodation and was forced to sleep every night on the sofa causing problems for all the family inc the school age Children.

It seems that you would have us go down the avenue if your poor and unwaged then your required to live in hovels packed to the top, The problem lies with the councils using the right to buy cash for other projects over the years and not replacing the housing stock.

you obviously saw the problem of housing being sublet by wealthy councal Tennant's who had multiple homes but seem to ignore that just because that family is on benefits,The fact is under the last few governments housing stock has been sold and not replaced as it should have.

Instead of jumping on the angry mob bandwagon you should be questioning the greedy landlords ripping off the councals, and well off property investers buying and sub letting property that was for those less fortunate.
The example of Sheffield which that family was based was used to highlight the problem with only 10 percent of housing now available compared to 30 years ago.
gcarth e2
10 2.3k 1 United Kingdom
7 May 2011 9:15AM

Quote:The programme was not about the women and her benefits but the dire housing situation is this country, with landlords ripping off tenants and massive overcharging by landlords, people like that women are forced into living 9 people in just a small 3 bedroom home.The kids you quote had grown up and could not find accommodation and was forced to sleep every night on the sofa causing problems for all the family inc the school age Children.

It seems that you would have us go down the avenue if your poor and unwaged then your required to live in hovels packed to the top, The problem lies with the councils using the right to buy cash for other projects over the years and not replacing the housing stock.

you obviously saw the problem of housing being sublet by wealthy councal Tennant's who had multiple homes but seem to ignore that just because that family is on benefits,The fact is under the last few governments housing stock has been sold and not replaced as it should have.

Instead of jumping on the angry mob bandwagon you should be questioning the greedy landlords ripping off the councals, and well off property investers buying and sub letting property that was for those less fortunate.
The example of Sheffield which that family was based was used to highlight the problem with only 10 percent of housing now available compared to 30 years ago.

Well said: Spot on!

Garth
collywobles 10 3.4k 9 United Kingdom
7 May 2011 9:57AM
You are right, that was what the program was about but it did have the interview I identified.


Quote: people like that women are forced into living 9 people in just a small 3 bedroom home.The kids you quote had grown up and could not find accommodation and was forced to sleep every night on the sofa causing problems for all the family inc the school age Children.


She was not forced to have 9 children, it is not compulsory - where was her common sense that you or I would have shown when deciding how many children she can afford living on benefits. Ah - but of course - she will get more benefits the more children she has. DOH!


Quote:It seems that you would have us go down the avenue if your poor and unwaged then your required to live in hovels packed to the top, The problem lies with the councils using the right to buy cash for other projects over the years and not replacing the housing stock.


Not at all, I believe that we should help some people but not at the cost of us 'the tax payer' paying 1400 per month rent when a great deal of people working their butts off dont even earn that much, move these people into a cheaper area or cheaper house. If you were out of work the benefit system would not pay your mortgage - so why should we have to pay people on benefits rents.


Quote: you should be questioning the greedy landlords ripping off the councals


I do question the greedy landlords but I question the benefits system even more for letting it happen in the first place. If councils said they will not pay these landlords that amount of rent then the rents would never have gone up like that in the first place. Its price and demand - if theres no demand theres no price.



Quote:with only 10 percent of housing now available compared to 30 years ago.


Yes and thats why I got off my arse saved up a deposit and bought a house, and dont say I'm lucky, I scrimped and saved and worked 7 days a week for a whole year and lived on basically nothing - and saved a 20% deposit in one year while those on benefits who have no ambition or interest walk up the social and collect their dole. I was brought up in a Council House but I was darn sure I was not gonna live and bring my children up in one when I got married.

The benefits system was created to help the unfortunate and I am fully supportive of that but I refuse to see that we should pay out any more than is necessary.

Colin
collywobles 10 3.4k 9 United Kingdom
7 May 2011 10:11AM
One further comment.

It would be much fairer to people who work their butts off to look after their families that benefits should not exceed in payment any more than what a person earns on the minimum wage. This sounds very fair to those who do a weks hard work and are only paid the minimum wage.
7 May 2011 3:20PM
'If you were out of work the benefit system would not pay your mortgage '



Not correct. On certain benefits e.g. income support, or income based JSA the interest on a mortgage is paid after a waiting period.
Paul Morgan e2
13 16.1k 6 England
7 May 2011 3:32PM
I lost my job in August last year, for the first six months I received contribution based job seekers and then it stopped.

The job seekers then become income based, as the wife worked full time I was no longer entitled and we lost out.

In April this year my wife lost her job, so now we are a family out of work. We haven`t started claiming yet but when we do I don`t think we will be living a life of luxury Sad

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