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    geoffash26
    geoffash26  102506 forum posts United Kingdom
    11 Apr 2008 - 7:32 AM

    Apologies if this has been posted before....


    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
    are flat?

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there
    is not enough?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

    What is the speed of darkness?

    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?


    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?


    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?


    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Did you ever stop and wonder . . . .

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

    Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

    Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


    OK, Stop singing and read on . . . .

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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    11 Apr 2008 - 7:32 AM

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    jken
    jken  71672 forum posts United Kingdom1 Constructive Critique Points
    11 Apr 2008 - 7:48 AM

    Brilliant...Wink

    booboocat
    booboocat  6201 forum posts United Kingdom
    11 Apr 2008 - 11:48 AM

    This is great!! Love it

    navigatornick
    11 Apr 2008 - 11:54 AM


    Quote:

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
    Cos it'd get caught in the branches

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
    are flat? Cos we want to squeeze out the juice

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there
    is not enough?
    Cos they're greedy B's

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
    They put them on backwards so they can't see what's coming

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,but check when you say the paint is wet? Because they can...

    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
    Silvester von Ribbentrop the 66th

    What is the speed of darkness?
    A bit more than the sound of silence

    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
    It means they had binged out on food and drink before going to sleep

    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
    Who you calling Normal?

    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
    Define married


    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
    Cos we had to test the tyre rubber on the lunar surface first - duuh!

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
    Governments do it all the time with CCTV so why can't we?

    Did you ever stop and wonder . . . .Yes

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
    The same person who'd tried to eat the first thing that came out of its bum?

    Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
    The same person who couldn't find any chicken milk?

    Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
    Because indecent human beings will eat it

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
    So you can't see yourself freeze to death if you get locked in

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
    Cos that would be very rude...

    Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
    Cos they're running 2 patients at the same time to maximize income

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
    Yes - but Goofy can talk!!!

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Intestate

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
    You don't wanna know...

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
    Yes and cling film comes from the Klingons

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    OK, Stop singing and read on . . . .
    Oh - must I?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
    Of course. Don't you?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
    Yea - sorry but it's your B.O. and he's never dared tell you

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


    No - but it sure irritates everyone around you...

    MrsS
    MrsS e2 Member 74527 forum postsMrsS vcard England18 Constructive Critique Points
    11 Apr 2008 - 12:20 PM

    Love the responses as much as the original posers Smile

    F x

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