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Fogey
Fogey  168 forum posts United Kingdom13 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 1:59 PM

Now I've heard it all!

Doorbell rings.......... Door answered.............. There stood a stranger who needed a shave.

"Good morning Sir", he says, touching his ID tag around his neck.

"Can you not read", says I, indicating the No Cold Callers sign displayed prominently at eye level.

"I'm not a cold caller", says he. "I'm a professional communicator".

"Do I know you"?, says I.

"No", says he.

"Did I ask you to call"?, says I.

"No", says he.

"Then you're a cold caller", says I, closing the door.

So much for his professional communication.

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17 Apr 2013 - 1:59 PM

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lobsterboy
lobsterboy Site Moderator 1014126 forum postslobsterboy vcard United Kingdom13 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 2:03 PM

Well as you didn't pay him he is now a mere "amateur communicator".

Ade_Osman
Ade_Osman e2 Member 114491 forum postsAde_Osman vcard England36 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 2:04 PM

Much have been the same bloke trying to knock my door down the other evening, only I wasn't so tactful when I pointed out the No Cold Caller sign and suggested he might like to leave my property.......Only in not so many words Blush

cattyal
cattyal e2 Member 96030 forum postscattyal vcard England6 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 2:11 PM

Mum had a cold call yesterday - she politely told them that she wasn't interested and hung up. A few minutes they rang her again and told her that she, mum, was very rude - mum replied "yes I am" and hung up again Smile well I found it amusing Smile

Nigeyboy
Nigeyboy  6537 forum posts United Kingdom
17 Apr 2013 - 2:20 PM

We had our windows and sofits done a few years ago, and we still get window salesmen knocking on the door asking if we'd be interested in new windows - I say to them "do you not look at the house before you knock?!?!"

The calls are the worst though - got one the other day from an Indian sounding chap called 'Malcolm'. told me that he was from a computer company (cant recall the name), and that did I know my PC had a potential virus. He could of course remove it for me. Told him I was a Windows Engineer - he hung up!!!!!

lobsterboy
lobsterboy Site Moderator 1014126 forum postslobsterboy vcard United Kingdom13 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 2:28 PM


Quote: The calls are the worst though - got one the other day from an Indian sounding chap called 'Malcolm'. told me that he was from a computer company (cant recall the name), and that did I know my PC had a potential virus. He could of course remove it for me. Told him I was a Windows Engineer - he hung up!!!!!

You missed out on hours of fun:
"press the enter key"
"entry keys you say - well they are up stairs on the bedroom cabinet, I'll just go and get them. Do you think it will help if I leave the front door open? Only my friend gladys reckons you need to regularly air the house to get rid of any ghosts. oh do you think it could be a ghost in the machine? Only you can't be too careful with spirits and stuff,I was just reading my horrorscope and they said that venus iss in the 3rd house of Sagittarius which means I could experience some fluctuation in my energies. Do you think that could be the problem ?
"no sir the enter key on the keyboard"
"I don't have an enter key..."
Smile

alansnap
alansnap e2 Member 10528 forum postsalansnap vcard United Kingdom22 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 3:50 PM

Next time I get someone calling for her indoors I'm going to try:
"What do you mean? That's my beloved wife who died last week. YOu are awful harassing someone in such a position." Then burst into tears before I hang up.
Or
"Who do you want? She has left me and I'm desperate to find her. Do you know where she is? Tell me please, I'm desperate."
OR one I have used
"That person no longer lives here stop calling her."
Then I hang up.

Grin

saltireblue
saltireblue Site Moderator 43818 forum postssaltireblue vcard Norway23 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 4:31 PM

I find, "Just a second, I need to inform you that I am recording this conversation for evidence purposes. Please state your name and which company you represent" usually causes them to become all flustered and invariably chicken out.

Malc

Last Modified By saltireblue at 17 Apr 2013 - 4:31 PM
adrian_w
adrian_w e2 Member 73293 forum postsadrian_w vcard Scotland4 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 4:54 PM

"Oh hello, you sound like a nice boy. Are you a nice boy?
I'm so glad you rang, d'you know I haven't chatted to anyone for so long.
Have you goit time for a good chat?
Don't get to talk much these days as all my old friends seem to have gone away.
Would you like to be my new friend?....."
Click, brrrrrrrrr........

puertouk
puertouk  21063 forum posts United Kingdom17 Constructive Critique Points
17 Apr 2013 - 4:58 PM

We get the occasional call, Spanish person on the other end and there's not one of them, that can speak English! Tongue I tell them, no habla Espanol and either the phone goes dead or I get some sort of mumbled reply and then the phone goes dead. Strange that English is the most widely spoken language in the World expect for Tenerife! Blush

JulianRRouse
17 Apr 2013 - 6:40 PM

i am always tempted to tell them that their call is really important to me and that they are 27th in the queue and then hum greensleeves at them -

Big Bri
Big Bri  1315557 forum posts England
18 Apr 2013 - 8:29 AM

We just get the charity people coming round... "But sir, I'm not buying or selling". No, you want me to listen to 30 seconds of pleading then sign a direct debit form. When I tell them I'll have a look at their website and decide later if I want to donate they look heartbroken (cos they don't get their commission on that).

Big Bri
Big Bri  1315557 forum posts England
18 Apr 2013 - 8:33 AM


Quote: We had our windows and sofits done a few years ago, and we still get window salesmen knocking on the door asking if we'd be interested in new windows - I say to them "do you not look at the house before you knock?!?!"

We had a company ask us if we were interested in new doors and windows, so I pointed out that we already had good ones (which were looking fab as we had just cleaned them). He said, "Ah but they might not be very good ones, do you mind me asking who fitted them?" I replied "You did"....


Quote: The calls are the worst though - got one the other day from an Indian sounding chap called 'Malcolm'. told me that he was from a computer company (cant recall the name), and that did I know my PC had a potential virus. He could of course remove it for me. Told him I was a Windows Engineer - he hung up!!!!!

I get this all the time. Sometimes I just ask "which one?" as I have 8 PCs in the house..... Sometimes I laugh at them til they hang up.... Sometimes I try and talk to them "Sorry, but I know you're talking bollocks. Does your mother know you do this? I bet she would be ashamed of you"

Just Jas
Just Jas  1225751 forum posts England1 Constructive Critique Points
18 Apr 2013 - 12:05 PM

Last time I just said "Well, our usual window cleaner will around tomorrow - he always does a good job".

Quite reasonable too Smile

Carabosse
Carabosse e2 Member 1139395 forum postsCarabosse vcard England269 Constructive Critique Points
18 Apr 2013 - 12:33 PM

Good lord, it's Jas.......... where've you been for the last 5 months? Smile

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