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Nearly a Mono for Morgs

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Posting this on impulse really, so I expect it to bomb as they say...it's a reworking I have had on my pc for sometime but never posted...another reason why I think this will not get the votes....so instead I would like some critique if you wish.

The lady was on a train between stops at this years Severn Valley doo.... she was sat there knitting away and just staring out of the window. My original post of this is here...


Nearly a mono for Morgs

Camera:Canon
Title:Nearly a Mono for Morgs
Username:Alan_Coles Alan_Coles
Uploaded:14 Dec 2010 - 9:53 PM
Tags:General, Photo journalism, Portraits / people, Street photography
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Comments

This photo is here for critique. Please only comment constructively and with suggestions on how to improve it.
franken
franken e2 Member 112919 forum postsfranken vcard Wales4 Constructive Critique Points
14 Dec 2010 - 10:02 PM

This version works so much better than the orignal in my opinion. It has an aged 40's print feel to it.

Ken

Last Modified By franken at 14 Dec 2010 - 10:03 PM

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Platchet
Platchet  7 Wales8 Constructive Critique Points
14 Dec 2010 - 10:16 PM

I'm torn between the two but I like the colours in her blouse for some strange reason!
Those diagonal lines in the mono are distracting, not sure what's caused them?
All said its a very nice portrait.
Gazza

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Alan_Coles
14 Dec 2010 - 10:26 PM

Gaz, the lines are actually the siderest of the train compartment...it is more visible on the original. I have a folder with a few variations of this on and will upload a few that I attempted...inc the original if anyone fancies a play ! Smile

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HectorRivera
HectorRivera e2 Member 6HectorRivera vcard United States1 Constructive Critique Points
14 Dec 2010 - 11:27 PM

Nice work

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Davesumner
15 Dec 2010 - 1:35 AM

Hi,

Great image, please note that there a facility to upload different versions rather than adding them where the other critiquers add their versions. Look for the link 'Upload New Version' underneath the original image.

I like this and the B&W version, it does have an olde world feeling about it. Now I am by no means an expert with portraits but for me I think the image needs more space on the right side as for me she is looking straight out of the image which is a bit of a no no in portrait work I'm told.

Apart from that the effect with the vignette works really well.

DaVeS

Last Modified By Davesumner at 15 Dec 2010 - 1:37 AM

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cats_123
cats_123 e2 Member 103958 forum postscats_123 vcard Northern Ireland24 Constructive Critique Points
15 Dec 2010 - 7:53 AM

works for me..like the original except for the `upholstery' marks to her left, but tend to go for the whole shot..have had a go at a mod Smile

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Scottishlandscapes
Scottishlandscapes e2 Member 968 forum postsScottishlandscapes vcard Scotland35 Constructive Critique Points
15 Dec 2010 - 8:33 AM

My first thought was the start of Saving Private Ryan when Mum looks out the window and sees the Army car coming up the road. Nicely done.

Dougie

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Mynett
Mynett  5137 forum posts United Kingdom6 Constructive Critique Points
15 Dec 2010 - 8:52 AM

this is a very nice image, the mono and the softness of the tones really suit the mood you have captured, I much prefer this to the link version Al, very well done

Linda

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cassiecat
cassiecat  539 forum posts England46 Constructive Critique Points
15 Dec 2010 - 9:00 AM

love the softness and like it much more than the original (and liked that one) youve really bought out the best in it for me. torn between this and the mono version though.lesley

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pluckyfilly
pluckyfilly e2 Member 7282 forum postspluckyfilly vcard United Kingdom33 Constructive Critique Points
15 Dec 2010 - 9:32 AM

I can see the point made by Focus_Man but I like the picture as is and see her as a lady with things on her mind only she knows what! I also like the fact she is looking out of the picture (so to speak) it accentuates the fact she is looking out of the window to me - what to do about the redundant L.H.side remains a mystery unsolved, do you cut off her left shoulder (looking at the picture L.H.side) of course she is alone and may look out of the window feeling shy of people around her - that would be my guess. Shame we cant ask her Smile

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Maiwand
Maiwand e2 Member 7Maiwand vcard England69 Constructive Critique Points
15 Dec 2010 - 10:03 AM

A fine candid portrait Alan. PS treatment suits very well indeed.
Ron

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Ray42
Ray42  6 England3 Constructive Critique Points
16 Dec 2010 - 11:19 AM

A great piece of work - excellent processing and a great portrait

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DRicherby
DRicherby  5269 forum posts United Kingdom725 Constructive Critique Points
17 Dec 2010 - 4:30 PM

I'm afraid I prefer the colour version you uploaded a while ago. That's nice and sharp and her face is bathed in the lovely window light. Your black and white version has some of that clarity, though it might just bed a bit of sharpening. In both cases, I'd either clone or, more likely, crop out the diagonal pater on the seat back to the left of her head, as I find that rather distracting. I'd prefer to crop it as the space to the left of her head isn't contributing much to the photo. Having her looking out of frame is largely unavoidable, as you wouldn't be able to expose properly with the window in the shot and, as pluckyfilly says, it's entirely appropriate, as she's staring off into space. But I do think there's too much space on the left. I think I'd clone out the hair across her nose, too, as you've done in the sepia version.

The sepia version doesn't work for me at all. The yellowish burnt-out shoulder really draws the eye and the negative vignette gives the impression that we're peering at her through mist. not only that but it draws more attention to the edges of the frame and away from the subject. If you look at old photos with negative vignetting, it's almost always to create an oval-shaped photograph within a rectangular frame and the vignette is a gradual fade to the natural paper colour and doesn't overlap the subject of the photo. Here, you're fading over the subject and the black border means that it's not a fade to the paper colour and also creates a high-contrast edge that, again, draws the eye away from the subject.

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