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poetry

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WHEN you are old and grey and full of sleep, And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft look Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep.” ― W.B. Yeats, The Collected Poems

Camera:Sony A700
Recording media:JPEG (digital)
Title:poetry
Username:bias bias
Uploaded:25 Feb 2013 - 8:36 AM
Tags:Black & white, Portraits / people
VS Mode Rating 97 (12.5% won)
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Votes:14
Has Modifications Modifications Welcome (Upload a Modification)

Comments

woolybill1
woolybill1 e2 Member 8woolybill1 vcard United Kingdom65 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 9:01 AMConstructive Critique!This comment was flagged as constructive critique! 

'Quand vous serez bien vieille, au soir, à la chandelle,
Assise aupres du feu, devidant et filant,
Direz, chantant mes vers, en vous esmerveillant :
Ronsard me celebroit du temps que j'estois belle.'

Ronsard got there first!

Technically an excellent monochrome character study, the background well out of focus to avoid too much distraction. The deep black line could do with fading, though.
I feel that a less central placement of the subject would work even better.
Bill

Last Modified By woolybill1 at 25 Feb 2013 - 9:04 AM

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bias
bias  1 Belgium
25 Feb 2013 - 9:10 AM

thank you Bill!Sonnets pour Hélène that was the one...to be honest I have never read Ronsard till today, but I will...
and thank you for your suggestion. normally I place my subject following the rules Wink...but this time I wanted to break the rules.sometimes it works,sometimes not. Smile
in anyway, I really appreciate your comments...

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Richsr
Richsr e2 Member 790 forum postsRichsr vcard England210 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 9:55 AM

Like the good details in this portrait study, good one
Regards Richard

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bias
bias  1 Belgium
25 Feb 2013 - 10:05 AM

thank you Richard!! cheers!

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richmowil
richmowil e2 Member 5259 forum postsrichmowil vcard England1 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 10:33 AM

Light and details are super - Nice Image!! I like it a lot!!

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alistairfarrugia
alistairfarrugia Critique Team 2164 forum posts Malta88 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 11:18 AMConstructive Critique!This comment was flagged as constructive critique! 

I second Bill's comments, cropping the LHS would probably give you a better result. Crop slightly beyond the vertical black line and you'll end up with a vertically oriented portrait without the existing technical problems. Would have uploaded a mod for you if I could, but mods are disabled. Let me know if you enable them and I'll upload a mod.

Regardless, nice shot and well done.

Last Modified By alistairfarrugia at 25 Feb 2013 - 11:19 AM

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bias
bias  1 Belgium
25 Feb 2013 - 11:39 AM

hi Alistair! thank you for your kind comments and for your personal touch.I am looking forward to see your version.I will set the moods...right away! Smile

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alistairfarrugia
alistairfarrugia Critique Team 2164 forum posts Malta88 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 11:42 AM

Thanks, will upload it once modifications are switched to on. I changed the image to duo-tone, to give it a more nostalgic, sepia-like feel, cropped off heavily from the left and added a bit of canvas at the bottom part of the picture to line her closest eye on the top left-third intersection. The aspect ratio is now 8x10.

Hope you like.

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bias
bias  1 Belgium
25 Feb 2013 - 11:50 AM

very nice done! thank you! I love it!...to be honest I knew I miss something but I did not figure out what!
nice work!thanks again!

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alistairfarrugia
alistairfarrugia Critique Team 2164 forum posts Malta88 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 12:02 PMConstructive Critique!This comment was flagged as constructive critique! 

Glad you like. If you're new to photography, or never read some theory on the subject, you may wish to read up on some guidelines to effective compositions, like the "rule of thirds" or the concept of "negative space", and see how you can apply this to portraits. In my modification, I addressed the "missing something" you referred to by using the lessons learned from the "rule of thirds" and the idea of having negative space in the area where the person was looking (right hand side of the image).

Google's your friend for more detail, but in brief, a wiki-search yields this result for the RULE OF THIRDS: "The guideline proposes that an image should be imagined as divided into nine equal parts by two equally-spaced horizontal lines and two equally-spaced vertical lines, and that important compositional elements should be placed along these lines or their intersections". Negative space, in turn, "is the space around and between the subject(s) of an image." In your case, the negative space is the background that's visible on the RHS of my mod, and on both LHS and RHS on your original.

(I'll upload a mod showing clearly the rule of thirds and how I used it, and marking the negative space.)

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bias
bias  1 Belgium
25 Feb 2013 - 12:30 PM

I know the theory and generally I try to respect the rule of thirds or golden ratio...but this time I have tried to break those rules...Smile and it did not work well...in anyway, I appreciate your comment and especially that your help Smile

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mrswoolybill
mrswoolybill Critique Team 7455 forum postsmrswoolybill vcard United Kingdom1031 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 12:45 PMConstructive Critique!This comment was flagged as constructive critique! 

To crop or not to crop, that is the question. (Well Bill got in ahead of me with quoting ...)
I'm not so sure. The space on the left is somewhat distracting, unsettling, but in a way I prefer that to the 'classic' look. Alistair's Mods create a deeply satisfying portrait that make me feel that I know the lady, but don't necessarily make me want to ask more. She's sitting back, looking out at the world with wise eyes.
In the original there's a sense of unrest, tension, she's trying to move out of the frame, she has other things on her mind. From your use of Yeats I suspect that that's not what you intended though, and it's communicating your intention that matters.
Placement and the use of space can work so subtly on the mind. If you are interested in composition can I recommend a wonderful book which may still be available on Amazon, The Photographer's Eye by Michael Freeman. It explores these mysteries, shows how different crops, different proportions can create totally different effects. I have to say that he doesn't mention the Rule of Thirds once. It's something that you need to know about - in order to decide when to use it and when not to.
Moira

Last Modified By mrswoolybill at 25 Feb 2013 - 12:47 PM

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alistairfarrugia
alistairfarrugia Critique Team 2164 forum posts Malta88 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 1:06 PM

Moira's right about the different mood in the original and my mod, have to agree there.

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banehawi
banehawi Critique Team 10903 forum postsbanehawi vcard Canada2899 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 2:05 PM

Its a nice shot. Stick with the original suggestion to remove the dark crack in the wall, and a crop to landscape A4 to add a little space on the right does the trick for me. What a closer crops misses is that slight angle to her stance that gives her "attitude"!

Mod uploaded.


W

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mrswoolybill
mrswoolybill Critique Team 7455 forum postsmrswoolybill vcard United Kingdom1031 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 2:46 PM

Bill and I have been discussing this, I've uploaded a Mod which is simply an alternative way of seeing her. It avoids the central placement but gives her a sense of moving forward into the frame, and also allows her space to move into.

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bias
bias  1 Belgium
25 Feb 2013 - 2:48 PM

guys you're amazing! I appreciate you're comments!Moira, great tip, I will look for that book.

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banehawi
banehawi Critique Team 10903 forum postsbanehawi vcard Canada2899 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 3:14 PM

A lively discussion! I think "attitude" is removed when you crop any part from the left, and the dynamic changes completely IMO. And for me, shes not looking out of the frame completely at all, her gaze is somewhat forward rather than straight out. Picky maybe? Discuss!


W

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alistairfarrugia
alistairfarrugia Critique Team 2164 forum posts Malta88 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 7:42 PM

Hehe, this photo really stirred some discussion. This is ePHOTOzine at its best I guess! I like Moira's mod too - it does retain the character and place her in a less central position. I'd give it my star! Wink

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alistairfarrugia
alistairfarrugia Critique Team 2164 forum posts Malta88 Constructive Critique Points
25 Feb 2013 - 7:46 PM


Quote: A lively discussion! I think "attitude" is removed when you crop any part from the left, and the dynamic changes completely IMO. And for me, shes not looking out of the frame completely at all, her gaze is somewhat forward rather than straight out. Picky maybe? Discuss!


W

By "forward", you mean she's looking at the photographer? I still can't see a "forward" glance in there, to me the lady's looking towards the right hand side, not entirely to the right, but more to the right than to the left, which brings me to argue, in the traditional sense, that some space on the right would help.

However, the original placement with the eyes on top, right hand third, gives attitude, and I agree with you there, by showing the lady in a position where it's as if she couldn't be bothered with the picture as her mind is elsewhere. It looks less of a posed portrait this way and introduces more mystery. Is this the same thing you saw when you said attitude, Willie?

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bias
bias  1 Belgium
25 Feb 2013 - 7:56 PM

ephotozine is really great! I am happy I have discovered it !!
I was just notified that this picture won at the supporters section for the best shoot from 23rd on photoplusextract (it is not publicity for another magazine, just the link to take a look on the cropped version)...I have posted ion G+ couple of days ago when I was playing with it in Lightroom...afterwards I have changed it to nearly original size. here is the link,if you wish to see it:http://www.photoextract.com/plus-extract/2013/2/23

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