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Eats shoots

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Experimenting with an orbis and two HVL-F58's flashes off camera, set as a challenge to illustrate a book title..

Brand:Sony
Camera:Sony A850
Lens:24-70mm F2.8 ZA SSM
Recording media:RAW (digital)
Date Taken:8 Feb 2012 - 1:45 PM
Focal Length:24mm
Lens Max Aperture:f/2.8
Aperture:f/5.6
Shutter Speed:1/160sec
Exposure Comp:0.0
ISO:100
Exposure Mode:Manual
Metering Mode:Spot
Flash:On, Fired
White Balance:Flash
Title:Eats shoots
Username:Caisiel Caisiel
Uploaded:3 Sep 2012 - 11:33 PM
Tags:Flash / lighting, Portraits / people
Votes:Voting Disabled
Critque wantedCritique Wanted
Has Modifications Modifications Welcome (Upload a Modification)
Awards have been disabled on this photo

Comments

This photo is here for critique. Please only comment constructively and with suggestions on how to improve it.
paskinmj
paskinmj  5 United Kingdom1 Constructive Critique Points
3 Sep 2012 - 11:36 PM

Great quirky portait. A little over exposed and washed out imho.
Matt

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paulbroad
paulbroad  781 forum posts United Kingdom845 Constructive Critique Points
4 Sep 2012 - 7:13 AM

Technically a little over exposed. Dread to think what the book title is - not likely to be reading it I think.

Paul

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Focus_Man
Focus_Man  4481 forum posts United Kingdom631 Constructive Critique Points
4 Sep 2012 - 9:30 AM


Quote: . Dread to think what the book title is - not likely to be reading it I think. Paul

Book is called "Eats, shoots and leaves" by Lynne Truss. It is about punctuation as you can imagine the difference punctuation can make to this title!

I find the picture over exposed, the mouth over full and some depth of colour required.

Frank

Last Modified By Focus_Man at 4 Sep 2012 - 9:32 AM

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banehawi
banehawi Critique Team 10818 forum postsbanehawi vcard Canada2820 Constructive Critique Points
4 Sep 2012 - 3:15 PMConstructive Critique!This comment was flagged as constructive critique! 

Uploaded a mod. Agree with Paul and Matt re exposure/washed out, and Frank re colour. I would also add that the eye reflections are odd, - perhaps best to modify.

Reduced highlights, increased mid tone contrast, re worked reflections, increased colour,



regards



Willie

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Caisiel
Caisiel  2 Wales
4 Sep 2012 - 4:56 PM

Thankyou people for your constructive comments. I'm new to this and it is so refreshing not to have Flickr-esque "hey, cool image" or "nice pic. i've fav'ed can you fav mine too" posted against a submitted picture.

The points are are valid and very helpful (though 'mouth over-full' re. focus_man, to be honest I wanted it more extreme), my print of this is slightly less exposed and more saturated so monitor calibration is required. The modification on my screen, even though slight, personally i feel it does add what is missing, again i very much appreciate your efforts here.

Thanks all again. Looking forward to learning, viewing and being inspired...

Chris

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pamelajean
pamelajean Critique Team 8754 forum postspamelajean vcard United Kingdom1587 Constructive Critique Points
4 Sep 2012 - 7:13 PM

Hi, Chris. I have read this book and love it because it hits all of my frustration buttons and makes me feel better....I am not alone!
I appreciate that you are after impact, and therefore accept the stuffed mouth, rather than a delicate chew on a shoot or leaf. I am tending to feel the absence of a hand or a fork doing the stuffing, though. You probably wanted to keep it more simple.
I wonder if you considered a hand with a gun pointing at his temple, to go top right? You'd need a bit more space, though. I think a black gun would have impact against the red background. Too much in one image??
Just my thoughts.
Pamela.

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arhab
arhab  243 forum posts Indonesia2 Constructive Critique Points
6 Sep 2012 - 9:11 AM

this is disguising. and why the eye looks like watching me?

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Caisiel
Caisiel  2 Wales
6 Sep 2012 - 4:47 PM

Thanks arhab, i'm afraid I need a bit more critical support and analysis here, as previous posters above..........I'm not new to photography, but totally lacking in confidence in my work - limiting it to flickr etc, perhaps that's where I should stay.....

I can still tell he is my mate so not disguised that well. If you meant 'disgusting' then i must ask you to offer a bit more politeness...

I wanted to accentuate the eye as a watching organ to emphasise its function and our interpretation of it.WinkWink

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arhab
arhab  243 forum posts Indonesia2 Constructive Critique Points
6 Sep 2012 - 9:16 PM

Sorry caisiel, my english is bad and not bring dictionary when i wrote it. what i mean is i fell not comfortable when look at it. and the eye looks like wrong. he eats but the eye looks to the other, this is opinion from beginner.

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Caisiel
Caisiel  2 Wales
6 Sep 2012 - 11:25 PM

Wink No problems, I was just having a bit of a joke back. I value your input

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arhab
arhab  243 forum posts Indonesia2 Constructive Critique Points
7 Sep 2012 - 4:00 AM

this is really good image caisiel. you get what you want. and about the eye, what i'm thinking is there is someone look at him and he doesn't want that man to distrub him so he look at him and telling him to go Smile

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