Hi - Nice catch-lights in the eyes and not a bad first attempt. I think it's an interesting look your model is giving the camera which draws you in. The eyes aren't far off a third either which a plus too.
A couple of things you might want to look at to lift it ...
I would suggest that the white balance is off. If you shot in RAW you should be able to fix this post capture (try flourescent to start) It looks a bit yellowy here. Secondly, I would really to to get at much light and focus on the eyes as possible to really draw you in. I think you could get the focus more spot on than this. The image looks a litte soft too so maybe the shutter speed was a bit slow?
Finally, if you are using PS then you could also get rid of the shiny nose. If you want to shoot portraits, the standard room lighting is not generally your best bet so a flash with a diffuser is a fairly inexpensive way to start.
Hope this helps - keep on going! If this your first attempt don't forget to look back in a few months to see how you have progressed.