If this had been in the main gallery I`d probably have just flicked passed it, the girl would have looked ok in a dance studio but as it is, she`s just not meshing with her surroundings.
As it is, its not really doing anything for me, the stick figure in the doggy position on the rhs looks interesting, not sure why you would want to put a beam of light on it though, or why you left so much of the wall in the shot.
I would have used the light on the right hand side to throw a little more light into the hair and side of her face, perhaps Rembrandt style, a smaller aperture to pull out a little more detail in the girl, and a little less light on the background for the separation.
Not sure if I would have used a softbox either, there great when you want a softer light, but softer light can also soften detail. I might have gone for something a bit stronger, maybe some directional lighting fitted with a grid to bring out more definition in her arms.
Looks like a good location for a few smoke machines and colour gels.