Aesthetically speaking I would say V1 works better than V2, the reasons being:
V1 looks much tidier, losing the horizon allows the viewer the option of infinity. For those who prefer the horizon I need to ask the question are you viewing the image as a photograph or as a piece of photographic fine art, there is a difference and as such the rules are different.
How could it be improved? Again, speaking aesthetically, I always like the option of colour in your images and this image is no different, that's not to say it would work better, but colour offers a totally different mood to mono without taking anything away from what you intended.
With my vast experience and knowledge
critiquing your work I would imagine is extremely challenging for the very best because it is unique despite many attempts to copy and despite, at the basic element, the fact that it is a photograph, what you attempt to convey with your photography is much much more. Therefore, part of your question in terms of does it work, perhaps should include 'What does this image convey and mean to you'. The answers I suspect would be as unique as the image itself.
I would say, I hope this helps, but I am sure it will only serve to confuse