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Favourite jokes

Just Jas 19 26.3k 1 England
27 Aug 2008 11:45PM
Missed the post first time! Smile
vinnyc 13 110 England
28 Aug 2008 12:04AM
why couldnt the car play football??

because he only had one boot!!
vinnyc 13 110 England
28 Aug 2008 12:20AM
why didnt the bicycle play football? Because he was too tired
28 Aug 2008 1:55AM
How do you make toast in the jungle?

Stick it under the gorilla.....

looboss 14 3.1k 7 United Kingdom
28 Aug 2008 3:00AM
What's brown and sounds like a bell?

BarbaraR 14 982 1 England
28 Aug 2008 7:53AM
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh yes dear, what happened ?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Good grief,what did you do with them ?"

"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

B. Smile
NikLG 15 1.7k England
28 Aug 2008 10:30AM
Feeling the pinch during the current economic clime, John suggests to his wife that she goes on the game to make a few extra quid. After considering it for a while she agrees and pops out.
A few hours later she comes back.
'How did it go ?' asks John
'I made £25 and 2 pence' she replied...
'Who on earth gave you 2 pence ?' asks John....
'All of them.....'
kaybee Plus
16 7.6k 26 Scotland
28 Aug 2008 1:21PM
Stop running round in circles

If you don't I will nail your other foot to the floor
conrad 16 10.9k 116
28 Aug 2008 1:28PM
"Mummy, why does grandpa smell so bad?"

"Be quiet, Johnny, and close that coffin!"
fauxtography 15 6.6k 36
28 Aug 2008 1:31PM

Quote:Stop running round in circles

If you don't I will nail your other foot to the floor

Bet that wasn't David's favourite joke Wink
NikLG 15 1.7k England
28 Aug 2008 1:45PM
This one really is my favourite joke...

A man gets on a plane. He has a black eye. He sits in his seat next to another man with a black eye.
'Hey', he says, 'what a coincidence', pointing at his shiner. 'How'd it happen ?'
'It was down to a Freudian slip', says the second man. 'I went to buy my ticket and the girl behind the counter was quite well endowed, so instead of saying 'A ticket to Pittsburgh please' I said 'A picket to titsburgh please' and she clocked me one...'
'That's weird' says the first guy, 'mine was due to Freudian slip as well. I was having breakfast this morning and meant to say to my wife 'Could you pass the salt dear' but instead I said 'You f***ing bitch, you ruined my life...'
28 Aug 2008 4:55PM
Ralph and Edna's Love Story

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Doctor became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded t hat your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
davey 17 246 England
28 Aug 2008 8:37PM
A man orders a pizza.
"Certainly sir,would you like it cut into 6 or 8 pieces?",says the man behind the counter.
The first man says "Just cut it into 6 pieces,I don`t think I could eat 8."

A middle-aged couple are in the bedroom getting ready to go out.
The woman is standing looking at herself in the mirror.
"Look at me." she says,"I`ve got bags under my eyes,a double chin,my boobs sag,I look 8 months gone and I`ve got cellulite all over my thighs.
Have I got anything going for me?"
Her husband looks her up and down,and says "Well dear,there`s nothing wrong with your sight."
Boyd 17 11.2k 11 Wales
28 Aug 2008 8:41PM
I had a w*** over my ex girlfriend last night...

I know itís wrong but I had a spare key and she's a deep sleeper.
fauxtography 15 6.6k 36
28 Aug 2008 9:00PM

How do you annoy your girlfriend while you are having sex?

Phone her up.

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