Lies, damned lies, statistics and Canon


joolsb 17 27.1k 38 Switzerland
8 Mar 2007 10:13AM

Quote:Well in that case Mr B, neither do I see any resemblance between the line of black feathers and that of a chinstrap. Do we see penguins patrolling the gates of Buckingham Palace? Do we see them standing in Horseguards Parade nobly upholding the traditions of centuries?


My previous post notwithstanding, I attribute this more to the discrimination shown against penguins in the UK. Penguins are cruelly denied access to most positions of importance - especially the military. I think it's high time this blatant specism was stamped out. If penguins wish to stand guard over HRH The Queen, then let them!
SuziBlue 19 16.2k 10 Scotland
8 Mar 2007 10:19AM

Quote:What say you?


What say I? I say there is obviously an examination in need of being made here, viz and to wit: the etymology of the word 'beard'.

8-P
SandyMiller 15 932 United Kingdom
8 Mar 2007 10:19AM
Nikon-wielding, bearded penguins on horseback guarding Buckingham Palace...the England cricket team winning the world cup. Hmmm. Which is more likely I wonder....
joolsb 17 27.1k 38 Switzerland
8 Mar 2007 10:22AM
Well, it's pretty unlikely the penguins would be sporting Nikons, really. A Heckler and Koch semi-automatic, maybe but a Nikon.... no way!
SuziBlue 19 16.2k 10 Scotland
8 Mar 2007 10:25AM

Quote:My previous post notwithstanding, I attribute this more to the discrimination shown against penguins in the UK. Penguins are cruelly denied access to most positions of importance - especially the military. I think it's high time this blatant specism was stamped out. If penguins wish to stand guard over HRH The Queen, then let them!


Ah but you are forgetting an essential point here. Do they in fact want to stand guard over HRH The Queen? Do they, indeed, want to guard someone who is allergic to feathers? Are you suggesting that HRH should have to endure the torment of Inspecting the Guard when she's getting through six boxes of Kleenex every time? Are they not in fact displaying a deep sensitivity towards those with allergic dispositions?
SuziBlue 19 16.2k 10 Scotland
8 Mar 2007 10:26AM

Quote:Nikon-wielding, bearded penguins on horseback guarding Buckingham Palace...the England cricket team winning the world cup. Hmmm. Which is more likely I wonder....


I'd go with the penguins. At least you'd be guaranteed something worth watching.

8-]
joolsb 17 27.1k 38 Switzerland
8 Mar 2007 10:31AM

Quote:Do they, indeed, want to guard someone who is allergic to feathers?


I take it you have proof of this constitution-shaking allegation? Or are you just trying to cause trouble, hmmmm?

The point is, not whether they want to but that they should have the right to be allowed to do that, should they so wish. As, indeed, should any animal capable of standing erect for long periods of time. Penguins have this capability yet are overlooked for such important positions time and again. This is discrimination and it has to stop!
SuziBlue 19 16.2k 10 Scotland
8 Mar 2007 10:45AM
Ahem. The question at hand is not whether they want to or indeed whether or not they have the right. We're talking about maths. Consider this. A three foot penguin (bearded) on horseback, facing a large army of insurgents. He hasn't got the height, even if he is perched on a saddle. Given your average height of any passing insurgent it's pretty obvious that your average penguin (bearded) is going to be knocked off his perch like a duck at a fairground. And where's your noble tradition of bodyguarding then? Hmmmm? Flat on the ground waving its flippers, that's where.
joolsb 17 27.1k 38 Switzerland
8 Mar 2007 11:29AM
Ah but you are forgetting the considerable advantages of surprise and manoeuverability that a penguin (with or without markings which some might confuse with a beard) has over a six-foot Homo Sapien. For a start, you wouldn't expect a penguin to pick up an assault rifle and fire it, would you? By the time you'd processed what was happening, you'd mostly likely be lying on the ground leaking blood.
And a short seabird is well able to run between the legs of a potential enemy and poke sharp bits of metal in sensitive areas... I rest my case.
SuziBlue 19 16.2k 10 Scotland
8 Mar 2007 12:42PM

Quote:you wouldn't expect a penguin to pick up an assault rifle and fire it, would you

So what you're saying is that penguins (with or without markings which some have quite rightly ascribed to the appearance of wearing a beard, or chinstrap) are to be denied the full gamut of instruction in war, to be left to fend for themselves and to rely on sharp implements jabbed upwards? What about sharp implements being jabbed downwards hmmmm? You see, you hadn't thought of that.

Given that your average six foot insurgent is likely to have the advantage of identification of the enemy long before the penguin has a clue that something might be amiss, the penguin is going to be stretched out senseless before he knows what's hit him in the beak. And where does that leave HRH? Hmmm?
RipleyExile 18 1.6k 17 England
8 Mar 2007 1:01PM
What the Hell happened to this thread while I was away???
ardbeg77 Plus
17 1.3k 7 United Kingdom
8 Mar 2007 1:01PM
I've read the above discussion with great interest.

However, I'm surprised as yet that the connnection between penguins and bears has not been raised. It is now well known that in this context 'beards' may have been corrupted from the original inuit spelling.

The 'right to arm bears' is enshrined in the current US constitution. This stems from the use of platoons of suicide penguins, protected by armed escorts of Polar Bears, during the onslaught against the Eskimo's in the 1700's.
Just Jas Plus
19 26.4k 1 England
8 Mar 2007 1:03PM

Quote:I concede that the beard is not full and bushy and does not have bits in it.


I join this discussion somewhat late to point out to Suzi that it depends on whether it is the 'upper' or 'lower' bush that is in question! Smile)
RipleyExile 18 1.6k 17 England
8 Mar 2007 1:05PM
I'd like to know how an Inuit has even heard about penguins given that they are on the other side of the world and Inuits don't have electricity (Jade said so, so it must be true) to power televisions? This means they can't even see them on the Discovery Channel!
ardbeg77 Plus
17 1.3k 7 United Kingdom
8 Mar 2007 1:09PM
Read the post carefully Alex!

This was in the 1700's. It was after this that the remaining North Pole penguins were exiled to Antarctica in the subsequent war on Penguin Terror. If they'd won it could have been a different story....Wink

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