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saltireblue Plus
11 12.2k 76 Norway
29 Mar 2014 3:06PM
ALBRECHT's LAW - Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.

ALLEN's AXIOM - When all else has failed, it is time to read the instructions.

ARCHIMEDES' SECOND PRINCIPLE - When a body is completely immersed in water, the 'phone will ring

CARLSON's CONSOLATION - Nothing is ever a complete failure, it can always serve as a bad example.

CHEOPS' LAW - No major construction project will ever be completed on schedule, or within the budget.

CHEOPS' SECOND LAW - If the changes to a project are not carefully controlled, then the rate of change will easily exceed the rate of progress.

CHEOPS' THIRD LAW - Progress will be maintained until the project is 90% complete, after that there will be no improvement, however much time or money is expended.

CLARKE's LAW - By definition, if you are examining the unknown you can have no expectation of what you will find.

CLARKE's SECOND LAW - Great discoveries or key inventions are made by doing what all the experts or respected authorities agree is impossible

CLARKE's THIRD LAW - Any sufficiently advanced technology will be indistinguishable from magic.

COHN's LAW - The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Equilibrium is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you have been doing.

CORRESPONDENCE COROLLARY - An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half the data obtained must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your pet theory.

CROPP's LAW - The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

CUTLER WEBSTER's LAW - There are two sides to every argument, unless you are personally involved - ;then there is only one.

DOW's LAW - In any hierarchical organisation, the higher the level the greater the confusion.

THE ELEPHANTILE RULES - Getting anything done in this office is like the mating of elephants,
(a) Everything takes place at a high level
(b) It is all accompanied by trumpeting, screaming and upheaval
(c) It takes two years to produce any results.

FINAGLE's LAWS - (1) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it will only make things worse.
(2) No matter what results are required, someone will always be ready to fake them.
(3) No matter what results are obtained, someone will always misinterpret them.
(4) No matter what occurs, everyone believes that it happened according to his own pet theory.

GIGO LAW(computing) - Garbage In gives Garbage Out.

GOVERNMENT's LAW - There is an exception to all laws.

GUMPERSON's LAW - The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

HARVARD LAW - Under the most carefully controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity and all other variables, the system will perform as it damn well pleases.

HORNER's POSTULATE - Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

HUBBARD's LAW - Life should not be taken too seriously, you will not get out of it alive.
KETTERING's LAW - Logic is only an organised way of going wrong consistently.

KIPLING's LAW - If you can keep your head when all those about you are losing theirs, then you are out of touch with the situation.

KISSINGER's LAW - Merely because an individual displayed all the classical signs and symptoms of Paranoia, it does not mean that nobody was out to get him anyway.

THE NIXON PRINCIPLE - Being caught is the only unforgivable crime.

MENCKEN's LAW - There is always an easy answer to every human problem - neat, plausible - and wrong.

(1) If anything can go wrong, it will.
(2) Nothing is as easy as it looks.
(3) If things can't get any worse, they will.
(4) Everything takes longer than you think it will.
(5) If things seem to be getting better, you have overlooked something.

O'TOOLE's COROLLARY - Murphy always was an optimist.

PATRICK's THEOREM - If it works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

THE PETER PRINCIPLE - In any hierarchy, each individual tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

PUDDER's LAW - Anything that begins well will end badly.( NB The converse is not true )

RECOVERY PRINCIPLE - The accessibility of any small parts dropped from the working area varies directly with the size of the part, and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work in progress.

ROBINSON CRUSOE's RULE - I am the only man ever to get all my work done by Friday.

RUDIN's LAW - In any crisis which forces a choice to be made between several alternative courses of action, it is only natural to make the worst possible choice.

RYAN's LAW - Make three correct guesses consecutively and your reputation as an expert will be established.

SATTINGLER's LAW - It works better when you have plugged it in.

STORES PRINCIPLE - Supplies needed for yesterday's work will not be ordered before noon tomorrow.

THYME's LAW - Everything goes wrong at once.

THE TRIBOLOGIST's RULE - Despite the efforts of OPEC, and irrespective of the company accountant's views, Oil is still cheaper than repairs.

THE UNIVERSAL LAW - If it happens, it must be possible.

WEILER's LAW - Nothing is impossible to the man who doesn't have to do the work.

WHITEHEAD's LAW - The obvious answer is always overlooked.

WILCOX's LAWS - (1) A pat on the back is only inches away from kick up the arse.
(2) If you are keeping your ear to the ground, you are properly placed for a kick up the arse.

WOODWARD's LAW - Any theory is better than its explanation.
sherlob Plus
15 3.2k 131 United Kingdom
29 Mar 2014 4:41PM
ANON: Many a truth was said in jest
Gaucho 19 2.8k 2 United Kingdom
29 Mar 2014 4:42PM
You just made my day! I particularly liked Kipling's Law Grin
Ross_D 7 841 1 United Kingdom
29 Mar 2014 5:01PM
Brilliant! SmileSmile I was familiar with one or two but there are some real gems - I've made a copy for future reference. Thanks for sharing.
Anne66 8 65 United Kingdom
29 Mar 2014 5:20PM
Brilliant! I've had Kipling's Law on my office wall for years - I tend to just point at it rather than repeatedly trying to get through to those who will not listen! Grin Grin
StrayCat 17 19.1k 3 Canada
30 Mar 2014 5:25AM
Excellent!!! Thanks.Smile
hobbo Plus
10 1.7k 4 England
30 Mar 2014 10:15AM
SOD'S LAW ....... is the only one that applied so me, it follows me every where.....go to cross a normally quiet road, a vehicle appears........ Empt till at the supermarket first in the queue .......the till roll runs a hurry to go out.......shoelace breaks.............and so on.

SlowSong Plus
13 9.9k 30 England
30 Mar 2014 10:38AM
And me Hobbo. See an empty cashpoint machine and by the time you've got there 3 people have managed to get there first.

Think you've found an empty supermarket aisle? No-one in sight - except for one person who happens to be blocking the only product you need to get at.
Ross_D 7 841 1 United Kingdom
30 Mar 2014 1:34PM
Many years ago when I worked in an office, I remember a poster which ran (something like) :

'The success of any project is inversely proportional to the number of Project Managers involved'
big fella 18 485 England
30 Mar 2014 2:04PM
You missed off Cole's Law - Cabbage, Carrots and Mayonnaise :0)
lemmy 14 2.9k United Kingdom
30 Mar 2014 5:43PM
I had my own set of time saving laws for business travellers during a long period of my working life when I seemed to be more in the air than on the ground.

1/ You need not bother to check your flight arrival times. It will be in the peak rush hour of whatever city you are arriving in.

2/ You do not need a map or GPS to find the way from the airport to your destination. On picking up your hire car, drive in a circle to ascertain in which direction the sun shines directly into your eyes via the gap between the sun vizors. Keep the sun blazing directly into your eyes until you reach your destination.

3/ You do not to memorize the room number the reception give you on checking in at your hotel. Simply go to the hotel's highest floor and make your way to the room furthest from the lift.

4/ If any of your cases do not appear on the carousel, you need not bother to check which one is missing. It will be the case with your cameras in it.

5/ The only time the office will order you home is when all the flights are full.
StrayCat 17 19.1k 3 Canada
30 Mar 2014 10:36PM
How about this one; multiple failures never happen.
dwilkin 14 24.3k United Kingdom
31 Mar 2014 9:17AM
Never forget, Murphy was an optimist!

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