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Be a Lert

By Ericsamson
In these challenging times when we are now asked to be 'a Lert' I am struck by the painful, nay shameful, realisation that I have no idea what 'a Lert' is and am even more bemused as to how I become one. Clearly however the national mood is one of watchfulness as these formidable coves are demonstrating. When they have spotted a Lert they will be the first to let me know and will, I am confident, subject it to rigorous analysis. Be assured that any information that comes my way will be passed on to EPZ members as a matter of urgency and in the interests of public safety.
If you find this reassuring please let me know and, subject to permission, I'll pass your details on to my therapist.
If any of you have any ideas about what a Lert is or how to be one I trust you will let me know in the interests of mutual understanding and research.
My thanks to all who responded so kindly to 'Bend it like Bodgem' especially to Cephus who so generously presented a trophy. My apologies once again to the genuine photographer (it really is a magnificent image) and to York Railway Museum for taking such appalling liberties.
Yours, on the alert for a Lert, Cap'n Jackanapes Tricorn. Oooooohhhhh arrrrrrrrrrrrrr (Sorry ... piles playing up again. 🥴 😳 😰 )

Tags: Help Pirate Brixham harbour Humour and fun Be a Lert Blue Gorilla Not well again

Voters: mike9005, mrswoolybill, boov and 41 more

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mrswoolybill Plus
14 2.9k 2457 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 4:43PM
Once a Lert, always a Lert...
mrswoolybill Plus
14 2.9k 2457 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 4:51PM
While considering further, I suggest that you sing the old Siamese National Anthem quietly to yourself. By sheer coincidence it shares the same melody as our own anthem.

Owa tana Siam,
Owa tana Siam,
Owa tat wit.
Owa tafu lami
Owa tafu lami
Owa tafu lami,
Owa tan it!
SUE118 Plus
13 8 1 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 4:51PM
I'd love to join your a Lert club please. SmileSmileSmile
13 May 2020 4:55PM
I know what it is but I am not going to Blert it out!
pamelajean Plus
15 1.6k 2238 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 5:01PM
Be a Lert, your country needs Lerts.
bluesandtwos 11 525 1 England
13 May 2020 5:04PM
It's an abreviation, in the vernacular, in the manner 'WC ' is for water closet and 'Loo' is from 'lord oooooooh this is hurting my bum'.

I think if you voice the word 'Latrine' with a rather sloppy south London accent you will easily recognise 'Lert..trine.

Hope that clears matters up for you. After all, in this time of crisis, and with all the social media and the numpties in that rather nice building on the Thames, we need an abundance of Lerts in which to flush away that which is spouted.

Yours, devoid of mermaid, and Tunnock,

dark_lord Plus
17 2.8k 784 England
13 May 2020 5:22PM
Is it good or bad to be a Lert?
And what if you're not an English Lert but one in one of the other UK countries?
mac Plus
20 13 Scotland
13 May 2020 5:27PM
We are not allowed to be a Lert in Scotland. We are still stuck indoors, but we will be safer???
mitchellhatpeg 18 205 1 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 5:53PM
Brixham breakwater cafe...I do miss being able to visit there!
pablophotographer 10 1.9k 411
13 May 2020 6:11PM
Infidels...... This is Arabic.
Al ert is each inhabitant of a place called Al jazeera (the island) Lol.

woolybill1 Plus
14 38 78 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 6:24PM
The interpretation and understanding of words can confuse even the best.
I remember the description of a BEF drill sergeant by a Tommy of 1914-18 vintage.*
The sergeant's introduction to bayonet drill is most, er, instructive. I quote:
"Now when I sez Fix yer doesn't fix. But when I sez Bayonets yer whips it aht an' whops it on!"
I'm sure Mrs T of N W will have a strong opinion of drill sergeants; do not listen to her.

Yours semantically

*No, I was not there.
Alfie_P Plus
14 927 2 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 6:48PM
'Be A Lert and become a politician' , Nice image and the point SmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile
13 May 2020 9:16PM
Once you have become A Lert you must stay A Lert . . .
Mollycat Plus
8 21 2 United Kingdom
13 May 2020 11:07PM
Think you should lert well enough alone. Check your Ovaltine it's been tempered with Graham.
Peter Grin
saltireblue Plus
11 12.2k 76 Norway
14 May 2020 7:47AM
I have for a considerable length of time now, wanted desperately to become a Lert, however, I have been thwarted in my efforts as I have not been able to get a round tuit - they seem to sold out everywhere, in line with intelligent politicians and nutty slack.

Slack Alice's best friend, Limp Sid.
14 May 2020 10:18AM
There's nothing quite like an ice cream in a cone for that feel good factor. However, if a chocolate flake makes it a 99, what does a banana make it? Lert's might call it a monkey!

TrevBatWCC Plus
13 13 19 England
14 May 2020 11:16AM
We definitely need Lerts, Graham...I'm still looking for a Round Tuit also.... 😁 A great Silly Sunday find, even if it is only, er, Thursday...😁👍
Trev 😀
dudler Plus
18 1.7k 1877 England
14 May 2020 2:54PM
What we need is an operational definition of a lert. Then we can work out if we are.

I have worked in organisations that could provide extensive definitions that utterly failed to describe something, while giving the appearance of giving great detail: rather like Boris last Sunday evening. I thought that I might try to draft one, but my mind rebelled at the idea of deliberately using many words to obfuscate and confuse, because I've spent so many years both trying to be clear, and getting very, very angry with people who write a lot and say nothing, and expect me to nod wisely.

I might try later, when my blood pressure has abated from the attempt to think about it.
capto Plus
9 6.8k 25 United Kingdom
14 May 2020 10:32PM
sparrowhawk Plus
12 282 2 United Kingdom
15 May 2020 8:52AM
SmileSmileSmileSmileSmile me too great shot get more confusing every day
mistere Plus
8 7 4 England
15 May 2020 2:25PM
I used to play with a Lert when i was younger (much). Not a real on of course,
it was only a toy lert BlushBlushBlush.
I'll get me coat.

15 May 2020 2:48PM
Toy Lert ....... genius ....... sheer genius! 🤣 🤣 🤣 👍 🏆
Chinga Plus
10 3 2 United Kingdom
16 May 2020 4:01PM
Impressive subject... Nice one Grham !!
Isabel GrinGrin
viscostatic 15 50 11 United Kingdom
18 May 2020 4:48PM
I just can't cope with all the humour. Time for a lie down.

JuBarney Plus
10 34 5 United Kingdom
3 Jun 2020 9:34PM
Your gorilla is a Lert as he has captured all the ice creams. Wonderful

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