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Love on the Rocks

By NDODS    
One of the biggest problems associated with my acquired brain(s) is insecurity. Throughout the last 18 months since my second bleed, I have constantly worried about what lays ahead. I have accepted that I shall never be able to return to work, and I have accepted that I shall not be able to lead the kind of life that I used to prior to my reoccurring bleed. However what has always been playing at the back of my mind is the relationship that I have with my gorgeous wife. No matter how many time Julie says to me, that we are in this together, I still believe, that one day she will up sticks and leave me, "and in all honesty who would blame her?" I have constant bouts of self worthlessness and depression as a result of my condition. I know that I am in some cases I am a lot better off than others, but it still pains me to think about 'what if...' I thought I would share that with you all, because I really need to off load right now, and in someways because you are faceless people, in seems easy that talking to my neurological consultant.

Thank you

Tags: Specialist and abstract Release Listening Relationships Caring Comforting

Voters: canonfan, SUE118, andylea and 65 more

Readers' Choice Awards are given to photos that get over 30 votes

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canonfan 10 7 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 7:52AM
Stick in there mate. Things are never as bad as they seem
SUE118 Plus
12 8 1 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 7:54AM
They do say it's good to talk and off load and I know exactly where you are coming from. I haven't had a bleed but I do suffer quite badly with Depression. You keep taking lovely photographs and express yourself that way. Go and give your wife a big hug from me and yourself one. Take care and know your friends from Eph are with you.

Sue x Smile
bobsblues 11 10 2 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 8:07AM
I'm sure a lot of people who are better of than you Nathan have same the feelings and understand what you are going through in their own way
You have good people around you who support you and with your photography you express yourself very well ,all I can say is you have the support of many EPZers and hope this helps .Good luck with the future friends are never far away .
18 Jul 2012 8:25AM
You have a wonderful imagination which comes through in your photographs. One thing you don't have to imagine is the number of friends you must have, some of which you have never met!

Stick in there, your talent is required.

Kind regards.
Richsr 13 91 223 England
18 Jul 2012 8:55AM
Good to share your feelings in words and images Nathan, stay positive
Off loading is good for everyone, we all need to sometime, if it's good for you do it, that's the way I see life, good words good shot Nathan.

SlowSong Plus
12 9.4k 30 England
18 Jul 2012 9:19AM
You are lucky to have such a wonderful wife, and I'm sure your ability to express yourself through your photography must help enormously.
Sharing is good to do. All the best.
achieverswales 10 8 101 Wales
18 Jul 2012 9:29AM
Chin up mate.


NaturesHaven 9 283 6 England
18 Jul 2012 9:49AM
Always look on the bright side of life.........positive thinking is the way to go..........throw out negative thoughts........despatch them to the dustbin where they belong.........ENJOY LIFE with the people who care about YOU.....cleanse the me......WinkWinkWinkWinkWinkWink
barbarahirst 12 27 12 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 10:11AM
Its not a good idea to live in the "what if" way of life.
What if "it" (whatever it is) never happens ..... all that worrying for nothing.Wink
You look after your wife and make sure SHE is happy...She deserves this.
Good luck ... and keep your great photographs and creative ideas coming.
AnnChown 11 207 1 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 10:34AM
I am so pleased you do share your thoughts and fears with us - as you say, we are anonymous in many respects, and it's good to express them in this way. You have such talent Nathan - today's image is another example of your creativity and sensitivity. You have an appreciative audience here, so please keep feeding us the sort of images we love and look forward to. Smile
Gypsyman 10 690 England
18 Jul 2012 10:36AM
I know exactly how you are feeling, I have been along that road, If, is a small word but creates mixed feeling mostly on the darkside.
The if word drove me to depression so much so I was not allowed out by my wife on my own for over 18 months, because she suffered
the fear that I would put myself in the Canal or local Lake. I now can go there as can be seen from many of my snap shots. Well done with
your Photographs. Eric.
18 Jul 2012 11:07AM
Hang in there Nathan. It can most of the time be easier to talk to people that you do not personally know, as you say, faceless people, just having someone to listen can be a great comfort. Dwelling on a situation is never the answer, but sometimes it is hard not too. Having the love of a good woman too is wonderful. Have a little more faith in Julie when she does tell you that you are both in this together. As part of the wedding vows go `In sickness and in health`. What ever journey life is taking you on, let it take you together. Remember as well as Julie. you have friends on here to confide in so never feel like you are going throgh this on your own.

footloose 10 1 England
18 Jul 2012 11:44AM
All these fantastic messages from your friends on this site are very heartwarming and show how much people care,keep your your chin up mate.
your wife is one in a million.
18 Jul 2012 11:45AM
it is clear that your imagination and creativity is all there Nathan and we all derive pleasure from your work.
Worries and depression is the devil in us all and drives us deep, push it out, Julie has been there for you through the very worst of times and is, still there now, so that tells you a lot about the good lady. Be posative and be there for her in whatever way you can as often as you can.

Very best

gary_d 13 576 13 Wales
18 Jul 2012 12:35PM
The good thing to remember is your dear wife sees in you what you do not see in yourself right now, so take strength from the fact that you are as important to her as she is to you, obviously I can not begin to imagine what you have gone through but stick in there mate because you are very important to a lot of people.

Regards. - gary
18 Jul 2012 12:49PM
There ARE good people who will never leave you when you really need them. Believe in your wife.
18 Jul 2012 12:50PM
Very poignant and touchingly presented, I look forward to seeing more of your work. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my photo.
morpheus1955 14 3 2 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 1:17PM
Having voted on this most moving and poignant image I have come back, having read many of the comments I feel I can now comment. Some 5 years ago I suffered a major episode (health wise), which has left me unable to do many of the things I used to. I have bad days and good, thankfully like you I have a wonderful wife and family. I take each day as it comes and am thankful for every day that I am able to see my wife and family, also try and take photo's. Take care my friend everyday is a bonus. You have a real talent for making images and many other things too I am sure.


Fefe Plus
9 54 34 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 1:23PM
Very pleased to make it 30............................. now smileSmileSmile
Tibetan 8 3 England
18 Jul 2012 1:28PM
No one else can feel your pain! and on one else can suffer your sorrow! today is today live it! and look to tomorrow!. I have been there and back again there is nothing to fear except the fear of being fearful!, take heart and do not faulter be proud of what you do and of what you overcome!, never give up hope, regards Leon.
mikbee 13 3 8 Scotland
18 Jul 2012 1:34PM
I think it has all been said here Nathan,so not much I can really add.
Just perhaps some small comfort for you that you have got your thoughts out here !!
moiral 10 12 Scotland
18 Jul 2012 2:32PM

Quote:I think it has all been said here Nathan,so not much I can really add.
Just perhaps some small comfort for you that you have got your thoughts out here !!

Agree with Mick and all the comments prior to that. Chin up mate.
CaroleS Plus
10 442 3 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 2:59PM
You have made a big step there Nathan and got it out in the open and a lot of people are behind you and supporting you, including a loving wife. Keep on with your photography, you are so good at it.Smile
CarolG 14 199 20 Greece
18 Jul 2012 3:07PM
This is so very beautiful, Nathan, well thought out and produced, I'm sure your loving wife will not be 'upping sticks', she loves you too much for that. Carol
PranavMishra 8 52 18 India
18 Jul 2012 4:26PM
Its because you love her so much.. and if you do, she does as well.. and you have no reason if she says she does..

About the image, one understands it fully after reading what you have written.. It is simply stunning..
TrevBatWCC Plus
12 13 17 England
18 Jul 2012 4:46PM
Good to get thinks off your chest and share problems, Nathan. I'm sure if your wife is as wonderful as you decribe, she'll stick with you, thick and thin. A wonderful presentation here Smile
Trev Smile
jaktis Plus
17 84 Sweden
18 Jul 2012 5:49PM
So emotional and I am glad that you have such a lovely wife

18 Jul 2012 7:50PM
I'm going to listen to Neil Diamond tonight ... Another creative work from you!Smile
pdcche 10 4 United Kingdom
18 Jul 2012 10:19PM
Great sentimental thought Nathan, look at what you have and hang in there mate, Peter..
so beautiful
Jocelia 9 2 1 Australia
19 Jul 2012 10:33AM
I love these words from Neil Dianond. He has written some beaut songs.
Your words brought me to tears. So Nathan my song to you is in all that you
can find from so many song writers. This comp is good and I love what you have
created. Keep it up as long as you and love your love…………..

19 Jul 2012 11:50AM
Such nice words from Neil Diamond. Stay positive and hang in there Nathan, true love runs deep for better or worse, have faith in your lovely wife. You seem to have gone through a lot that one cant imagine but there is always light after the dark, so keep on with the wonderful photos you take when feeling low and think of the good things you have. Tony
prabhusinha 13 5 5 India
19 Jul 2012 12:52PM
Nathan , You think once more getting in to Julie's mind. How she will be ,when U will be in ur Astral body ? Our Philosophy says God has designed every thing in advance, "The best for every body".Yes we all be missing a great soul. But live happily. I used to visit the dept of Psychiatry during my job as a Med Rep in diff Med Colleges. I know the deepest meaning of Depression. So create & share ur feelings the way U did for all of us in to days presentation.
prabhusinha 13 5 5 India
19 Jul 2012 12:52PM
Well I am with tony .
taggart Plus
16 47 14 United States
19 Jul 2012 1:55PM
so much support shown here-- I am so sorry you are concerned--but know that we are with you and Julie-- and keep sharing with us--- your images and your thoughts!

I send a blessing to you household--- Jennnn
19 Jul 2012 5:22PM
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan......what can I say; I have been on your Potrfolio last night, and after reading all those comments......was very emotional!!!!!! Stay well!!!!!!! Ania
annettep38 9 220 42 Luxembourg
20 Jul 2012 7:24AM
I admire your courage to share this.
Yes, I know it is like to live with someone who sees certain things becoming impossible, losing his legendary strength although in his case things will get a bit better. It is the mental bit of acceptance that is so hard. No matter if it is cancer or a stroke or your case that is even harder!

Love is very important. On both sides. Show her and it makes everything possible. I know a lady who looks after a completely reduced partner, not even married. It is a 24/7 task. No going out, nothing. But it is love that does it and I admire her very much. But I admit I couldn't live confined to the house.
netta1234 8 382 2 Wales
20 Jul 2012 7:33AM
Nathen it sounds like you have a caring ,lovely wifeSmileplease belive her and stop worrySmileBe as brave as you can and that will help herSmileSmileSmileKeep taking photos,and do take careSmile
PaulLiley 11 2 13 United Kingdom
20 Jul 2012 2:16PM
I think I understand how you feel. Nathan hang on in there. your Julie will support you I am sure. It's a case of living in the now' and trying (however hard it is) of not thinking 'what if..' I look forward to looking at your photos so please please keep on taking them and sharing them with all your fans! Take care matey. Paul
ChiliMan 14 135 17 Singapore
20 Jul 2012 3:20PM
I've read your descrip...and I've read the comments.

Please know what I know: you're in good hands. With Julie, and with us.

A Smile
Silverzone 13 2 England
20 Jul 2012 8:59PM
Love your work and thank you for your support. Getting out with my camera keeps me upbeat. Sylvia
Glostopcat 14 255 2 England
28 Jul 2012 6:54PM
You are not alone Nathan, many of us get depressed and despondent from time to time including myself. You are brave man to air these views as this subject is one of the few taboos still left. I'm glad to see the epz family rallying around you in your hour of need, Ed
1 Aug 2012 9:43AM
My parents went through the same thing for many years with my father, he always said because he knew he was ill he had the chance to let people know how he felt about them and he was determined to do things that he had always wanted to do. Most people do not get the opportunity he always told us he loved us and with some difficulty did the things that he had dreamed of doing, including photograph and travel.
This photograph says so much the unity of the owners of the bag and jacket.
pascalg Plus
13 37 1 France
2 Aug 2012 12:58PM
quite like the way the trench and bag are suggestive, muted, in the bg of the image

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