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Lunch 40

By SimonFletch  
Three Cheers..! Nathan was saved from the desperate pirates last night at 12:03am. Armed with my 500mm Canon, great for long range work, I shot 11 of the pirates from Mombasa pier. Jumping into an Africa hi-tec fishing vessel, I set sail for the pirates boat and lept aboard. Flinging a prostrate pirate to one side, I rescued Nathan's Canon 50mm f1.8 from under him and tossed it quickly to Nathan, who finished off all but 3 - who dived overboard and were last seen swimming furiously for shore, a great white shark in hot pursuit.

As you can see, Nathan is now safely in a corner of my balcony, in the warm Nairobi sun, being thoroughly attended to by Benta, our Housekeeper. Benta is deliriously happy, now that she has her own "white meat" and has made him a plate of her buttery chapatis & a pot of ground beef (with garlic, onions and tomatos, in a light sauce). Nathan will not let go of his Sigma, having heard that a single pirate made it to land, the capacity of great whites being just 2 pirates. At first he was also loathe to relinquish his soaking wet anorak, but slowly succumed to Benta's charms and slipped it off, his pure white flesh now aired to the hot African sun - and Benta's equally hot smiling eyes....Blush

Great Happiness, all round. But it still leaves questions without answers Smile
1. Will Nathan still accept my challenge of "using concealment and stealth, then equipped with a Canon 50 mm f/1.8 carefully capture a beautiful image" of 'birds in the bush' (inside my newly built Lion Stadium Grin) - or will he now go for a 'bird in the hand' and allow Benta to drag him off to the Nairobi cattle market, to pawn his Canon 50mm f1.8 (I'll give you a fair price, Nathan) and buy up herds of cows, goats & chickens & spend the rest of his days photographing them (in colour, B&W & sepia) on his new ranch, up-country? Blush 2. Will Ed continue to fantasise about females in baths, the Bermuda triangle and buns, only to find he has been daydreaming at work? Wink 3. Will Alex take up a course in garden landscaping, to curb her urge to crop mounds of earth out of other people's images? Wink 4. What has happened to Rob & his millions - have the Somalis got him - are the Nigerians holding him to ransom - or is he in Mick's farmyard, chatting up a rusty haired farmer's daughter, who is chained to a tractor by an equally rusty length of chain? Tongue 5. Will Cathy discover that she has 'taken the King's shilling' and her hide now looks out onto a pigeon coup, surrounded by over-zealous GSW's and will she now resort to self portraiture? Wink 6. Does CarolC, our lovely (Birthday today) Schoolmarm, really double up as Matron, when it comes to spanking-time - and if her partying truly has left her insides rusty, will Mick demand an x-ray, to load up on his own gallery? Grin 7. Do Benta's chapatis measure up in taste-tests to PentaxPatty's bluberry rock cakes, which she sells to pirates for loadsa pieces of eight, her brow delicately sequinned with beads of sweat, her arms pumping dough, her golden blond hair flying in the wind, removing her pinny and... cut by epz sensor. Blush 8. Is Nathan's "Aunt Barbara" truly 'out to Lunch'? Wink 9. Who will Keith flog next, Nathan, Ed, Patty, Mick, Carol, Alex, Rob, Cathy, Barbara, or all of us, if he can get a fair price for a job-lot? Wink 10. Will Scottish Mick make it back home, to sit in front of his TV, endlessly watching repeats of Corrie, in order to drain every penny of value from his licence fee, which he will have to continue paying for the next 5 years - or did the 'SAS' manage to drag him and his countless crates of Guinness off to a Hawiian island, to continuously sing 'The Old (rusty) Rugged Cross', surrounded by dusky maidens, wearing coconut shells for bras? Blush 11. Is it true that Nathan pointed the pirate ship back towards UK and set the self steering gear, clearing the area of an awful stench (the Essex Mob now on a return trip to Blighty and Big Utility Bill - whoever he is)? Smile 12. Will President Kenyatta give Simon the Order of The Burning Jolly Roger, for ridding the coast of Kenya of pirates - and his UA, for writing the longest narratives on epz? Smile

Maybe we shall never know all the answers, but it'll sure be fun trying Smile

Have a Simply Swashbuckling Silly Sunday.


Tags: Ed Keith Alex Rob Barbara Mick Nathan Cathy Humour and fun Patty Benta CarolC

Voters: Badgerfred, barbarahirst, DicksPics and 36 more

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barbarahirst 12 27 12 United Kingdom
12 Jan 2014 9:58AM
Just phoned for the men in white jackets...
They will be with you shortly.....
You wally you!!!!!
12 Jan 2014 10:08AM
A wonderful image and essay!
How much is "too much alcohol?"
You've not been drinking, have you, Simon??!!Wink

mistere Plus
7 6 4 England
12 Jan 2014 10:11AM
Wow, so many questions, so little time. How was lunch? and did the macro shot of Benta's knee come out ok.
Silly sunday, dont ya just love it..

12 Jan 2014 10:33AM
Wonderful shot of our dear pal Nathan,,,, not sure I can measure up to your housekeepers delights Blush but I would be hot in all the sun baking my blueberry muffins.GrinGrin great shot too Simon

ps thanks for the mention too GrinGrin Patty
CarolG 14 199 20 Greece
12 Jan 2014 10:37AM
Good heavens, Simon, you must have had to go for a very long lie-down after typing all that intro Wink Certainly gave me a laugh, now I need to rest my eyes after ploughing through all that, before editing some images Grin Carol
cats_123 Plus
16 5.0k 30 Northern Ireland
12 Jan 2014 10:49AM
wonderfully relaxed shot Grin
Glostopcat 14 255 2 England
12 Jan 2014 10:50AM
So Safari Simon saved the day rather like Steven Seagal in Under Siege or Bruce Willis in Die Hard!Wink A most entertaining and amusing narrative for Silly Sunday, you clearly have way too much time on your hands fella to write all this lot!WinkGrinGrinGrinTongueTongue I wonder what Nathan and Mick's take on events will be?Wink And surely after all your heroic efforts your beloved Cathy will finally upload a self portrait that you have been craving for, for so long!Blush
richmowil Plus
12 437 2 England
12 Jan 2014 11:07AM
Three pints please' of what ever you have been drinking!! I hope you have realised you have just doubled the time it takes to vote on EPZ!!
Excellent image, Excellent humour and absolutely perfect for 'Silly Sunday' Nice work Simon!!
bobsblues 11 10 2 United Kingdom
12 Jan 2014 11:15AM
So the wonderer returns to his flock a hero for rescuing the great Nathan from the pirates. Wink I tracked down my good ladySmileSmile (yesterdays upload and saw Nathan on his pirate ship sailing by Tongue) and managed to save my millions but rumors are she fell in love with a pirate (tomorrows upload if I can find It Blush) The saga shall continue my dear old chap.GrinGrin
gwynn56 9 87 England
12 Jan 2014 1:46PM
sorry simon they sent the UK Border Agency Patrol boats out and sent the pirates elsewhere as we got enough of them already in westminster , had they been refugees they would of been allowed safe passage though Smile
Bantu 7 7 1 India
12 Jan 2014 1:51PM
Thanks god Nathan was saved,i dont know the much story but i was anxious about him.
12 Jan 2014 3:09PM
Simon, A real cracker mate. You've posed some really testing questions but it's good to see Nathan grasping the 'big one' Smile
Brian J..
viscostatic 14 48 9 United Kingdom
12 Jan 2014 3:17PM
....and great fun reading it too.

Lillian Plus
11 23 17 United Kingdom
12 Jan 2014 3:19PM
That is a great cheer us up narrative Simon
but sent for the white van to go with Barbara's in white jacketsWink
good Photoshop too
mikbee 13 3 8 Scotland
12 Jan 2014 3:47PM
I don't know how much more excitement I can take Simon.It is all getting rather too much for me in my advancing years.
Especially since my new found love for cake making has come into the mix !!
Now I must go and get my icing prepared for my cherry topped vanilla cake !!
NDODS 10 5.2k 127 United Kingdom
12 Jan 2014 5:14PM
A brilliant conclusion Simon.

Regards Nathan GrinGrinGrin
Maiwand 14 3 73 England
12 Jan 2014 5:42PM
Some very interesting thought you raise here SimonTongueTongueTongueTongueTongueTongueWinkWinkBlush
ali63 8 790 1 United Kingdom
12 Jan 2014 6:08PM
Great work Simon, still chuckling at the narrative GrinGrinGrinGrinWinkWinkWink

12 Jan 2014 8:29PM
Wow Simon. I agree with Richard but I will double it to six pints please. What a lot of questions! I can definitely answer No 5 with a No! Absolutely brilliant. Loved reading it all and all the comments. Great photo as well. Brilliant. Cathy
dark_lord Plus
16 2.7k 735 England
12 Jan 2014 8:53PM
I don't know how you manage to dream it all up, but certianly an enjoying read GrinGrinGrin

Glostopcat 14 255 2 England
12 Jan 2014 8:58PM

Quote:I don't know how you manage to dream it all up, but certianly an enjoying read GrinGrinGrin


No doubt it is the combination of copious amounts of Madafu, some magic mushrooms and the opium pipe that get his creative juices flowing!Tongue
13 Jan 2014 1:22AM
Great work, Simon!
nonur 12 18 13 Turkey
13 Jan 2014 3:13AM
What a write-up and shot, Simon! SUPERB!
13 Jan 2014 4:11AM
And, will we ever get to see Simon in his native habitat, eating whatever he eats (inquiring minds want to know) for lunch?

Chinga Plus
10 3 2 United Kingdom
13 Jan 2014 4:24AM
GrinGrinGrinGrin GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin
Whatever stuff you are on can we have some as well?

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