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Letting you know

dawnmichelle

Would like to thank everyone in advance for taking their time to look at my PF and for your votes and comments.

Thank you
Dawn Michelle
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Profile

Letting you know

1 Jul 2009 3:17PM   Views : 260 Unique : 221

Letting you know that I know I haven't been the faithful C+C here lately and it isn't that I have forgot you.. I just can't seem to get myself going since my Mother passed on.. I am stuck in a rut.
You all have been so supportive of me and I appreciate it so much.
You kept me going when I lost Dad last year and this time I can't seem to get my concentration going long enough to do anything.

I will be letting my e2 membership go for now as well.. until I get on my feet and see how the job market is going to do.. everything around us is closed or will be it seems.. and I want to go back to the mining industry and for a woman that isn't going to be easy with so many laid off of work right now.

I will still be on here. And hopefully back to clicking and commenting like I use to do and searching out new comers to encourage them on.

I hope that you will keep me in your thoughts /prayers.

I so appreciate each of you for being such dear friends to me and showing your support.
And please don't feel as if you have to view my works as I know I haven't been as faithful to return the favor all the time..

God Bless
Dawn Michelle

Comments


dianah 10 24.5k 4 United Kingdom
3 Jul 2009 6:49PM
Hi Dawn,
So sorry that you are feeling so low but I am not surprised.
As you know my mum died in February and we still haven't received the death certificate as there is an inquest into her death. Her first op went horribly wrong and because they had to perform a much larger op because of the error..she just couldn't take it and died !
The friend that I share a class with is retiring with me in July and her husband has just died of cancer..he was only diagnosed a few months ago. She is devastated and in a terrible state..it is all so sad !
All I can say is..just accept how you feel and don't try to make yourself feel any different. It is all part of the grieving process and needs to be allowed to be ! Hang on to the few moments when you feel a bit better and gradually they will become longer !
Much love to you..I am always here if you want to chat !
Best Wishes Di x x x

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3 Jul 2009 9:57PM
HI Di,
I think of you often and wonder how you have been handling your loss. I can't blame you for having your mom's operations looked into. I have sent off for all of Mom's records to read over and see if they really told us everything. She only lived four months after her kidney's failed.. and she was able to get around till a doctor gave her blood pressure med to lower her blood pressure.. SHE DIDN"T have high BP after all and it bottomed out due to the meds and never regained a high enough level to function. Her colon even failed during the last month and a half of her life.
I can't seem to get past any of this. The doctor that gave her the meds was demanding of the fact it wasn't his fault and he would have to see proof. So that is what I am going to find and when I do I will confront him. Everyone tell me to sue him.. but when she was with me she wouldn't agree to do it cause she said it wouldn't change the fact of what happened. I understand that and it want bring her back ..but maybe if I can ge answers I can move on. Right now I don't sleep but for short periods like really short! My mind is always wondering off to the what happen questions and I can't seem to get myself focused.
I went for over a month with out one tear being shed.. I stood at her side as she died and since she was cremated I even placed her in the ground for covering and never cried. She didn't want to be scattered about she wanted to be place by dad so that is what I did. After everything settled down and the calls were done and the probate started that is when it finally started hitting me.. and well I became a mess lol.
It is an awlful thing to go through when you can't have the peace of mind due to the waiting of reports etc.. just seems to drag out the process don't it?
I am sorry for your friends loss as well.. that can't be easy at all. Cancer is a unforgiving illness isn't it? Mom had it 5 times. Amazing that it didn't take her. You will hopefully be able to be there for each other. Finding comfort through such a sad time maybe help to you both as you grieve together.
You are right about accepting how you feel and not rushing the feelings.. but boy is that hard when you just want to roll up in a ball lol.. it is all a part of life just don't make it easier.
I have even tried the pep talks to myself lol.. it didn't work lol
I hope you know that if you need someone to chat with I am here for you as well..
I will keep praying for you and your friend that time will help heal the pain.
Much love to you as well... wonderful to hear from you.
God Bless
Dawn
dianah 10 24.5k 4 United Kingdom
4 Jul 2009 9:11PM
Thank you Dawn..such sad words and I really feel for you. They say that time heals..it seems to be such a long time ! Take care and remember..you are important and that is what your mum would say. She would be so upset to think that you are struggling with events..maybe looking into all the whys and wherefores isn't what she would have wanted for you and you could be in for so much more sadness !
You have to do what is right for you though, in the end. Please keep in touch.
Love Di x
6 Jul 2009 10:32PM
You are right Di about her not wanting me to spend so much time in the why's. I just can't get over the fact her levels were perfect one month and the next she was in failure. Just don't add up.. and I have always been one to search out answers..so I guess that is one reason I am doing this as well. Still we both had so many unanswered questions from the doctors if nothing else I can read the reports and see if there was anything they didn't tell us. Maybe after reading the reports I can let it go.
If nothing else since I have one kidney that isn't 100 % there maybe something I would need to watch for and it might be that I find it .
I almost went into Kidney failure at age 11 and the left kidney was damaged but not to the point of going on dialysis. Life has a way of coming around for different reasons and this might be one of them.
I am as strange as it seems at peace with her death cause I know she was a wonderful Christian lady and not just saying it cause she was my mom.. she lived it. I am just not at peace with the why's..
Don't make sense I know to have such mixed up feelings .
Thanks so much for your support and being here to talk to it means a lot to me..
Always great to hear from you .. write anytime Smile
Love
Dawn

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