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Photography and music are my two passions. I edited photography magazines for around 20 years and launched the UK's first digital imaging magazine. I founded ePHOTOzine and was owner / publisher until 2013. The photos in my portfolio are ones I like from shoots I do in any spare time I have.
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19 Dec 2008 1:14PM   Views : 3806 Unique : 1745

As most of you know, I had a heart attack last week. I'm at home recuperating - under doctors orders. It all feels weird. I have to rest but I cannot see (or really feel) the scar.

What also feels weird is after spending all my wake hours (and some in my sleep) on here, I have to step back and "get better". Life will not be the same. I have tablets now for good. I will always wonder what's going on. Like a drug it's impossible to keep away...and after a sleep or rest I wander back into ePHOTOzine, carefully drifting through.

I see the kind messages, and blogs, and enjoy the words. I glance headlines of forums threads, that I would normally read. I see signs of trouble and where I would normally wade in, I shy away. It's all too odd. But at every point I realise those few angry people with angry threads that I've so often got wrapped up in are partly why I'm currently closing my eyes and thoughts.

To all those who've sent cards and messages thanks ever so much.

To anyone causing my team grief right now, at a time when they could do without it, please stop, and ask yourself...WHY?

Tags: Why


davidburleson Plus
11 3.0k 3 United Kingdom
19 Dec 2008 1:51PM
im sure it is rather hard to do. Like you said, its a drug. And I find that even telling yourself 'oh, ill just pop-in and check recent posts for a couple minutes' tends to become a hours worth of popping-in and replying to topics, checking for reports, browsing the gallery, etc etc. Very easily done.

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Bellie 11 507
19 Dec 2008 2:14PM
Step away from the site matey! I have your 'Pete's Survival Kit box' ready for you, so will see you soon with the delivery... once you have got through the Buffy box sets!

Take care of yourself.
Coleslaw 12 13.4k 28 Wales
19 Dec 2008 4:53PM
I will have to report your bad behaviour to TJ... Smile
LisaRose 11 172 4 United States
19 Dec 2008 5:20PM
Your life has changed in a way that you did not ask for; I can only imagine the frustration that you must feel.

While it has been heartwarming to read positive messages from most of the epz community, it never ceases to amaze how some can be so insensitive.

I find myself yelling at my computer in disbelief when I read a complaint, “how can they not step back and see the big picture here?!”

There will always be those people who just seem to be so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they can’t see past their own noses. You can’t make sense of the senseless, and therein lies the challenge.
Fishnet 13 5.0k 5 United Kingdom
20 Dec 2008 12:05AM
Pete, don't worry, I'll sort 'em out, I can be quite scary sometimes.

Take it nice and easy, at least you've got Christmas to recuperate over, just lie on the sofa, or in bed, watch loads of Christmas TV and have people bring things to you.
IanA 14 3.0k 12 England
20 Dec 2008 8:20AM
[Voice of experience] I've got the T-shirt you're now wearing, and the good news is that the 'tablets for life' are very good (it'll take them a few blood tests to get the levels spot on) but you do need to take them daily!
Learning to live with the fear of another one takes a little while, but it does come with time. Your abilities have not changed but you will need to change the way you use them slightly.

As for logging into the site, carry on. It's not going to hurt you as long as you don't get involved and/or wound up about it. (One of those tablets will prevent you getting too wound up, but common sense is involved too!)
One of your biggest burdens has been taken away, so the future will be different anyway, just resist the temptation to get involved with the Premier awards on your return! [/Voice of experience]

If you need to talk about it, you know my number! Wink
Get well soon, the team are more than capable of sorting any minor problems (and even the major ones you shied away from changing!! Wink )

User_Removed 14 17.9k 8 Norway
20 Dec 2008 8:29AM
I promised TJ I'd 'rat' on you if I saw a post by you Pete...

Off to keep a promise now... Wink

♫ ♪ Tell-Tale Tit... Tell-Tale Tit! ♪ ♫

Keep takin' the tablets! Grin
jeanie Plus
14 6.0k 6 United Kingdom
20 Dec 2008 8:39AM
I cannot blame you for logging in.. when I came out of hospital the very first thing I did was log onto EPZ.. and had the laptop in bed with me to continue reading and keeping in touch with all the great friends I have made on here..

The few that spoil it will always be there - shame we can't just lock them out and throw away the key... nothing that ever happens will stop them from finding something to moan about or somebody to pick on.. however they are a minority in the grand scheme of things.

That said.. read the happy threads, browse the gallery, but don't let the morons draw you in......

Have a great Christmas Pete.. relax and enjoy all the festive films on telly.. and get well soon

Anthony 16 5.6k 17 Scotland
20 Dec 2008 9:22AM
Glad your getting there Pete, fingers and toes crossed you continue to do so.

Keep well, keep safe

Merry Christmas and here's to a much Happier New Year for you and your family.

All the very best mate.

Barbaraj 11 450 England
20 Dec 2008 9:42AM
Christmas is a time for peace on earth and good will toward people.
So I wish you a peaceful holiday which means Holy day.
You deserve a rest Pete, and the team are managing well.

I hope You can enjoy the rest and recupperation you need,
When you feel strong enough pick up the camera and take a few photos.
With festive greetings and enjoyment of a new year .
digipix76 11 577 England
20 Dec 2008 10:35AM
Hiya Pete Smile I like so many others are just glad that it was "Pete had a heart attack".....It could have gone the other way! Please give as much thought to what your going to do with your second chance as you would epz!

User_Removed 13 4.9k England
20 Dec 2008 10:50AM
You'll have to learn a new thought process......Step back.......trust.... and Delegate.

Look after your staff, then they will look after the sites.

Take it easy, relax, enjoy your home life, and get out a bit with the Camera.

All the very Best

dougv 14 8.4k 3 England
20 Dec 2008 12:08PM
Peter Bargh you naughty boy!

Am I going to have to get David to restrict your access? Wink

Take care Pete and get better soon but don't be trying to rush back.
Everyone's pulling together while you are away so you don't have any reason to worry about what is going on with the site.

Doug Wink
miptog 12 3.6k 61 United Kingdom
20 Dec 2008 12:14PM

Quote:What also feels weird is after spending all my wake hours (and some in my sleep) on here, I have to step back and "get better". Life will not be the same.

That is so very very True. Think of it positively, and look forward not backwards.

A short story:
A man once set up a Company from nothing. Started with just him and one other in a garage. Within 20 years that Company had grown to the largest of its type in the World, employing several hundred people. Late 1980's it hit a massive bad debt, and the independent Company was taken over. The Man lost control of his Company, and within 18 months he was dead, as he just could not adjust to the loss of being able to run his Company.

This is a TRUE story.
KarenFB Plus
12 5.0k 171 England
20 Dec 2008 12:29PM
I can't blame you for logging on.............after all, this is your 'baby' and it must be a worry about how it's getting on. But remember, you have gathered together a brilliant team - who turn from fluffy bunnies into something quite different if the occasion calls for it. They're there doing a brilliant job of holding the reins until you are ready to get into the saddle again. We all miss you, but want you at 100% when you come back.

Enjoy a quiet lurk - but don't forget we are watching you! Wink
cameracat 14 8.6k 61 Norfolk Island
20 Dec 2008 12:56PM
Great to hear that your on the mend, Don't let the angry people get to you, The team & sensible members can deal with them.

Your long term health is way way more important, It's time to put Pete first, And the good guys will hold the fort until you are fully recovered...........And able to kick some angry butt.....LOL....Smile

Take care of your self, Have a very very happy Christmas, And look forward to a fabulous New Year.

All the best Vince.
lobsterboy Plus
14 14.9k 13 United Kingdom
20 Dec 2008 1:39PM
Great to hear you are on the mend boss. Glad to see you are backing off from things a bit too.

Everyone on the team is pulling together to keep things running - though TJ did say she is not sure what you used to do all day Wink

Have a good Christmas.
Pegon 12 78 1 England
20 Dec 2008 1:52PM
Glad to hear you're on the mend Pete. Take it easy for a while and enjoy Christmas with your family.
Best Wishes.
Carabosse 15 41.1k 270 England
20 Dec 2008 2:58PM
Pete, if you're reading this - you shouldn't be ! Wink

Obviously you're concerned about EPZ. But, to be blunt, it was over-concern that has put you in the position you are in today. In truth the number of "angry people" can be counted on less than the fingers of one hand... which can be set against the backdrop of an active membership which (although I haven't done a count recently) must be around the 6000 mark now.

So.... we have to be cruel to be kind. Get off the computer at once!! Grin ("You know it makes sense" etc)

PS: Have a peaceful and restful Christmas.
conrad 13 10.9k 116
20 Dec 2008 8:04PM
Naughty, naughty - taking a peek so often! We knew you would, of course. I suppose you must be more heavily addicted than anyone of us!

But don't worry about the troublemakers - a lot of people are on their case. And the team members have proven to be quite capable of handling them and other problems. The changes will take some getting used to for some, including those who have stepped up to help, but it'll all be okay in the end.

So take a deep breath, let go, enjoy all of the best wishes, learn to enjoy some peace and rest, and have a very happy holiday - cherishing the thought that your life was preserved, but not so you could worry it away!
Take care! Take it easy! Concentrate on the recovery!
Forget about work, your colleagues are taking care of the ship.

When you can, go out! Walk in the open air and enjoy life, your family ...etc...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, JNC
kinfatric 13 550 9 Scotland
20 Dec 2008 8:49PM
well said Pete, take care
webjam 13 292 11 Netherlands
20 Dec 2008 8:57PM
Why? Because some people just have to...

Just a week or so before your heartattack, I said to hubbie that it was so amazing at the last Rowardennan Meet. Fifty completely different people, some of them only knowing the EPZ name, spent a long weekend together in one hostel sharing an amagingly good time.
The lounge was swamped with thousands of pounds of photographic gear and laptops - none of that got 'lost' or 'missed' - just dipped in a loch or so... People with different backgrounds, different ages and completely different lives had good times, laughed a lot, shared food, advice, ideas, photo tips, drinks and enjoyed the whole experience.
This is what Pete Bargh has created, not just a website, but a great community. I wished you could have seen it!

So, believe me, there is no other (online) community like EPZ. Pete, ignore the grumpy ones - do not let you get down by them. It is just not worth any heart pain or time.
Enjoy the fun, friendly, crazy, silly and enthousiastic members. We love it here and we just want you to get better! Just focus on all that you have already achieved and keep that heart of you healthy and strong!

And get away from that computer! Wink
dianah 11 24.5k 4 United Kingdom
20 Dec 2008 9:25PM
Enjoy just being, Pete.

Forget everything else because it is just small fry compared to your health. Take no notice of all that is negative, it is unimportant and there are plenty of others on this site who can deal with it.

Enjoy your Christmas and you never know, even though this has been an enormous shock, something positive will come from it.

Take up reading or stamp collecting Smile . Leave the computer until you are stronger, we will all still be here.
Di x
churchill123 13 233 United Kingdom
20 Dec 2008 9:44PM
Take care Pete and like others have said enjoy your Christmas.

I agree with Di something positive will come of this. In the grand scheme of things nothing is as important as your health and sometimes it takes a scare to make us realise that.

Tooth 13 5.8k 227 Ireland
21 Dec 2008 12:27AM
i think Jacqueline just summed it up perfectly and eloquently Pete - you have created something very special and should be proud of it and cherish it. But also trust those keeping it going at the moment. Everyone's doing a great job. Look after yourself, chill for a while, we'll all still be here when you start dipping your toes again.

I rememeber once in my early months after I was flamed in a thread you told me it was like being in a pub - a mixed community of people mostly out for a good time but some people out to cause annoyance - but you just avoid or ignore them and stick with the people who matter. Follow your own good advice and you'll be grand

have a cool yule Wink

WelshKiwi 10 3.2k 2 Wales
21 Dec 2008 12:57PM
Merry Christmas Pete.

Thanks for being the inspiration to go after my dream.

You will never really know how much you and EPZ got me through last Christmas and the beginning of 2008. EPZ has played such a pivitol part in what I am doing now and I will never forget that.

Anything I can do for you, just yell Smile

Take care and just enjoy life.

Lee Smile
Gonetae 9 10 Scotland
22 Dec 2008 7:23AM
New member here and don't really know you Pete, but wish you a full and speedy recovery.

All the best
aftertherain 13 4.2k 2 United Kingdom
22 Dec 2008 4:59PM
Nice to see you up and about Pete.
It's great that your 'warning shot' turned out so well.
This is a chance to look at life and change the bits you don't like, because let's face it you've looked down the tunnel and that just puts everything into a different light.
I had a life changing event some years ago and on paper it should have been a disaster but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me.
No matter if you never do a pick of work on here ever again, it will always be your site.
Take care and have a lovely festive break.
Scutter Plus
10 1.7k 6 United Kingdom
23 Dec 2008 12:10PM
Have a Happy Christmas Pete and a peaceful New Year.
Thank you for the inspiration EPZ has given me! You are responsible for making so many people's lives more fulfilled. Although we have never met I have gained so much from your brainchild and for that I am extremely grateful Smile.
Eviscera 11 1.1k 149 United Kingdom
25 Dec 2008 3:47PM
Happy Christmas Pete , all the other websites are crap anyway. This is a great place to be , youve created something very special.

bricurtis Plus
12 2.2k 49 England
1 Jan 2009 11:30AM
Happy New year Pete.
Hope you have had an enjoyable Christmas and go from strength to strength in the coming months.
It must be so hard to try to turn your back on something you have worked so hard to achieve.
As has been said there are plenty of good people who will keep the site running in your absence and I am sure you know that.
So ' easy does it ' - view from a distance.
SuziBlue 15 16.2k 10 Scotland
2 Jan 2009 11:14PM
You've not just created a site, Pete, you've created a community. I would trust some people on here with my life because they're such good, decent people, and I wouldn't have found them had I not come skipping along six years ago and got hooked Smile

You've built this into the best resource on the web, and you can afford now to slow down a little and give the reins to your fantastic team. Ignore the troublemakers and let us and your team take care of them. Bear in mind that their lives are a lot less happy and fulfilled than most which is probably why they need so much attention and like to cause unhappiness. Some of us on the other hand are just nuts and like to cause mayhem Smile And life's too short to be sensible all the time.

You take care, get well, listen to the doctors. You will feel better sooner than you are better so take the time suggested, amble off for some quiet times and remember always how well you're thought of.
wyatturp 12 2 England
6 Jan 2009 8:20PM
Hope you get back on track i wish you all the best health for 09, relax and put some sounds on
paulcr 13 1.5k 9 Ireland
27 Jan 2009 4:06PM
Hi Pete,

Glad your on the mend. Relax and enjoy your own personal time away. The team can look after themselves (just about Smile)
riprap007 13 1.6k 37 England
13 Mar 2009 4:44PM
Well Pete, the tablets just become part of the routine until that is the side effects kick in. With me some of the side effects took a couple of weeks, some have just come to light after a year now.

If, like me, it's taking you a while to be able to walk very far, don't be too concerned, life just has to be lived at a different pace (which you'll already be aware of) a positive side effect of that though is the different pace makes it great for photography, ornithology, simple aesthetic things such as these Smile

Funny enough, within four hours of me coming round sufficiently from my heart op I surfed onto epz from my hospital bed!

Anyhow, if you ever want to chat, just drop me a line... Nick
Well Pete it's good to know that you're feeling better, I'm late as ever catching up with the news. I too had the dreaded heart attack about 6 years ago now, still taking the tablets, watching what I eat and drink, but still enjoying life to the full without too many aches and pains.
When I stand up on Rannoch Moor when the weather is kind to me I can't believe how good it is to be alive. Stand back from work, that's why you have a staff, let them get on with it, one day you'll know when it's right you can getthe harness on again, but you'll also know nit to fasten it too tightly around you.

All the very best and enjoy life,


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