It is going to be. I know it is. I can feel it. In fact, it started yesterday.
It really gets to me. Makes me feel less. I know that there is a gap. But when the gap is working against me I get so annoyed and at the same time know that I can sink so easily into feeling sorry for myself. I feel incomplete.
I had several strokes years ago and apart from the physical disability, by far the worst thing for me is the affect it has had on my short-term memory. Things of the moment just get lost. Irretrievably ~ maybe for only moments ~ maybe for hours ~ days ~ weeks or months. Eventually, they become 'long-term' and return, with clarity.
You know what it's like. You want to remember something and can't. The desire to remember becomes more and more intense until it becomes an annoyance that you can't remember what you want, or need, to remember. And sometimes I can't even remember why I want to remember it.
It's like having an itch that you can't scratch.
Yesterday evening, I started working on the Canon T90, to put alongside my F5, for Willie. (you'll have to look at Two Old War Horses, in the CG, if you don't understand why)
I really wanted to put the T90, sepia toned, on a black BG, so that it would correspond to the F5.
And for it to work effectively I could remember that I had feathered the outline of the F5, which had produced a light halo effect and provided a pleasing break between the sepia toned body and the black BG.
Almost all evening I struggled in Photoshop to remember how I'd done it. For a long time I searched around trying to figure out again how I had introduced the sepia toning. I only found that by accident.
But not the feathered edge. Every time I thought I'd got near it, it scuttled off into some other function or drop-down menu. It was more elusive than trying to get the truth from a teenager.
So, disgusted with myself, and disappointed for Willie, I put the Canon T90 onto a white BG, put a frame similar to the F5's around it, and uploaded it onto the Critique Gallery just after midnight.
Went to bed, disgruntled. Chuttering to myself
Woke up this morning, and the gap is still there.
I'm going to have to swallow my pride, and admit that not only have I forgotten how to do it; but that I also forgot to write down, for future reference, how I did it, when I did it to the F5.
I'm going to have to go, cap in hand, to ask Willie or Bren to explain to me all over again how to feather the edge during selection.
And I feel like a naughty little schoolboy who hasn't handed in his homework. B****r it.